now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

saturday . . . March 31, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey,Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 11:46 AM
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So this morning, hubby got sick.  More specifically he must have gotten a stomach bug.  Threw up a couple of times and is now resting.  Poor guy.  No fever, so hopefully it will pass quickly for him, especially since he has to work tonight.  Tough part about his job, no calling in sick.


And I am also fearful for the bunnies.  I took our dog out this morning to do his thing and the bunnies must have been spooked by hearing him or smelling him and a couple of them hopped out of the hole!  One even went under the fence!  I am sure they were probably ready, but I am still worried a bit.  I hope they make it.  My darn hormones must be kicking in since I have been on the pill for so long and I started crying thinking about them being eaten by a cat or something.  They will be ok right?


And tonight is my 2nd to last pill!  Thank goodness!!!  So ready to be off of them and on to injections.  Crazy I know.  I keep envisioning me getting pregnant.  Thinking of how it will be.  It also helps to be following other pregnant women’s blogs and also some friends on babycenter who are pregnant.  So I know what to expect, because this is gonna work!


Hope everyone is having a great weekend and you get to do something fun!

Thanks for reading!


bunnies . . . March 29, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 11:31 PM
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Ok here is a new photo of the bunnies.  They sure have grown a lot in 5 days.  I will post the photos side by side.  So cute!!!


Thanks for reading!


finally a schedule . . .

Hubby and I were out most of yesterday and when we got home I had a message from the nurse with my IVF schedule!  FINALLY!!!

So April 1 is my last birth control pill!  I have been on these since February 13.  So glad to finally be off!!  I start the Micro-dose Lupron injections on Wednesday.  I will do 10 units in the morning and 10 units in the evening.  Then Friday, April 6 will be my baseline appointment and that evening I will add in 225 units of Follistim and 75 units of Menopur.  You know if this was my first IVF I would be very scared of taking 4 shots in one day.  But I am so excited for this to be starting that I think I would do 20 in a day if it would help.  Then I will have monitoring appointments on April 9, 11, and 13.  Egg retrieval will be the following week!  It is actually happening.  So excited!


So I was helping hubby yesterday with his show and someone came up to me after and asked if we had kids.  I usually get asked that at least once a show.  And my response is always “not yet.”  Most people leave it at that.  However the couple said, “how long have you been married?”  I said 3 years and the man said “oh you have plenty of time.”  Of course I just smiled and nodded.  But here is what I wanted to say . . .

Actually no we don’t have plenty of time.  We have been trying to get pregnant for 3 years and I am now 40.  So we don’t have plenty of time!

Ok, I feel better.  Thanks for letting me get that out! 🙂


Bunny check:  I have been looking at them every morning trying not to disturb them.  Today I saw that they had their eyes open!  I may try to take a photo later.  I imagine they will be on their way soon.

Thanks for reading.


spring . . . March 25, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 11:43 PM
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I have mentioned in my posts before that I do believe in signs.  I don’t necessarily search things out, but maybe if I am having a bad day and I “see” something that reminds me to stay positive on this journey, I take that as a sign.  So yesterday my husband and I were out in the backyard with our dog getting him to do his morning business.  He was sniffing around (the dog not my husband 🙂 ) and stopped in one spot.  Well, there had been a small hole last year but we had filled it in and assumed it was still filled in.  We got Buddy’s attention and went over to take a look and this is what we found.

Four little bunnies all snuggled in and all with their eyes closed.  So sweet!  Ah . . . spring!  Seeing them there made me so happy.  I can’t explain it.  Maybe just going through all of the things we have been going through and finally seeing some new life at our house.  I don’t know.  I found myself going back a couple of times throughout the day to check on them and make sure they were ok.

And last night I had such a wonderful dream!  I was in a public bathroom (I did have to go to the bathroom when I woke up) and I was talking with someone I knew.  Not sure who it was now, but I knew her.  And we were talking about my pregnancy.  Yes I was pregnant (based on the rest of the dream I would say 4-5 months although I looked bigger).  We finished talking and I walked outside into what looked like a food court at the mall.  And there at a table directly in front of me was my husband and he was feeding applesauce to our little girl.  I can see it like it actually happened.  He spoons some into her mouth (my guess is she is 6 months old) and she wrinkles up her face and I thought to myself, that is exactly how my hubby looks when he is making a silly scrunched up face.  It was such a GOOD dream!  I am still smiling about it as I type this tonight.  I can’t think of when I had a dream about babies this vividly.  It was the family we have always dreamed of!

So between the baby bunnies and my dream I feel like I have had some pretty good signs.  🙂  Of course I don’t know what the future holds, only God does.  But I am going to remain positive and believe that it will happen!

Thanks for reading!

P.S.  The backyard was in dire need of a grass cutting with all the warm weather we have been having and I am so grateful that Buddy let us know the bunnies were there.  Had he not, I don’t want to imagine what that would have been like!  So I went out this afternoon to scissor cut the grass around the hole so I knew where to stop with the lawn mower and I could hear those little bunnies making chirping noises and starting to jump.  One even jumped out of the hole and their eyes were still closed!  I was able to wrangle it back into the hole and I hurried up and finished hand cutting the grass around the hole.  I rushed to get the mower in the back and slowly mowed the area.  I got it done and I am happy to report all 4 bunnies are safe and sound.  WHEW!


question and other stuff . . . March 20, 2012

So I have mentioned that I am on a lot.  I get a daily email listing new discussion questions/topics.  Yesterday I saw one that I thought was interesting and I thought I would bring it up here and ask your opinions.

So as someone who struggles with fertility, it is always tough to see babies and little kids; whether at the store, at the park, etc.  One of the toughest places (in my opinion) is at the doctor’s office, more specifically the RE’s office.  I understand that the women who bring their children in are most likely one of the “success stories.”  However, it is still difficult.  I would say that was the consensus of the women who posted on the topic I read yesterday.  The woman who started the topic, posed a question as to how others felt when kids were present.  She had a child and was experiencing secondary infertility (no problem conceiving first child but now all of a sudden there is a problem with conceiving subsequent children).  There were days when she could not get a sitter and just could not reschedule her appointment to a day when she could get a sitter.

Here is how I feel about the issue.  I understand, if you just can’t find a sitter.  If I had a child, I would not just call someone or someplace and drop my kid off there because I was desperate.  However, as someone currently dealing with fertility issues, I would honestly say, if I did have a child and needed to visit an RE I would do whatever was in my power to find a sitter simply because I know how it feels on the “other side.”  Thankfully when I had to go in for my subsequent betas while going through the miscarriage I did not have to be subjected to someone bringing their child in.  That would have been so hard and I am sure I would have just busted out in tears.  But at the same time, sometimes things do not work out the way we want them to and if you can’t get a sitter, well, you have to do what you have to do.

I did find out some interesting things while reading the entire discussion.  There are actually RE’s offices that have a “no child” policy.  They even make you sign a paper indicating that you are aware of it.  And at the same time they do not have pictures of babies posted about.  The office I go to does not have such a policy and they do have a “brag board” as I will call it, showing pictures of their success stories.  Yes there are times it is difficult to look at, but then there are times when I can envision sending them a photo of our little miracle.

I cannot imagine how difficult it would be for someone who has a child and cannot find a sitter to be able to schedule procedures at the offices with a no child policy.  But I guess if you know that going in, you can decide to work with it or find another RE to see.  Likewise, if you know that they do allow children, you have the option of staying there or going to an RE who does not.  Life is full of choices.  Some are easy and some are more difficult.

So my advice would be if you are shopping around for an RE and you think that might be an issue for you, ask if they have a no child policy.  If they don’t and you still decide to go there, be prepared.  It might not be easy, but remember we are strong.  God does not give us anything we can’t handle.  Not always easy to remember, but I believe it to be true.

And for those with children I would also like to offer a piece of advice and I hope I don’t offend.  This is just my opinion as it is my blog. 🙂  If you must take your child to the RE’s office, try to do so in a manner that is the least disruptive.  Try to remember that there are women there who have never been pregnant or may be going through a loss.  Try not to draw a ton of attention to your child.  Yes I know children are unpredictable or they may even be fussy, it happens.  But do the best you can.  I was waiting one day and a lady came in with her 2 or 3-year-old and proceeded to whip out her iPad and play a child’s movie on it to occupy the child.  The sound was loud and disruptive.  It basically made the waiting room feel like it was a child’s play room.  Or one lady let her child walk all about, looking at this and that.  Again, I know kids are kids, but you are the parent.

Ok, off my soapbox.  Again, these are my opinions and who knows, when I have a child, maybe my opinions will change.  Until then, that is how I feel and again, hope I did not offend.


So I found out that baseline appointments for the April IVF will be April 4 and April 6.  I will hopefully find out soon what my calendar will be for this month.  Egg retrievals will be the week of April 16 and I will probably start injections a couple of days before baseline.  I will start the Micro-dose Lupron with 2 shots per day and then add Follistim and Menopur a couple of days later.

I am so excited about this new protocol!   I just know this will be the one!  Spring is here and that means renewal!  So this NEW cycle, with the NEW protocol will work!  I am going to keep this positive attitude.  I have to!  My husband always says “you become what you think about.”  So I am not going to think this will not work.  I am going to think about being pregnant and having that baby!  So I have started imagining getting pregnant.  I have even looked a little online at some baby things.  I never did that before as I thought I might jinx it.  So this time I am doing things differently.  I am off soda!  I am drinking a lot of water.  I am really trying to eat better.  Things will be better this time.  I know it!  So if things go as planned, which they will :), we will have our miracle around New Years!  See!  New cycle, new protocol and New Years.  Sounds good to me!

Thanks for reading!


feeling better . . . March 16, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 3:53 PM
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OK, so yesterday I felt like crap all day!  I understand that anesthesia can have certain side effects but I have never had them like I had yesterday and even today.  I have been “under” at least 5 times in the last year and a half and it has never effected me this badly.  Aside from being very tired, I have been retaining water (big time) and also constipated.  I ate yesterday only because I was getting hunger headaches.  But it constantly felt like I was full.  Like I was so hungry I ate everything in sight, kind of full.  It was tough to be comfortable. AND on top of that I actually put on 5 pounds in a day!  So that told me it was not me it was the result of the anesthesia.

So today I have finally started getting some relief.  I am being very careful of what I eat today and only drinking water.  I did have some Vitamin water yesterday and I think that may have exacerbated the situation a bit.

This 80-degree weather is not helping either!  I don’t mind 80 . . . in July!  But not March!  The average high temperature in Chicago for March is 45 degrees!  NOT 80!  UGH!  It looks like we are in store for these temps for at least the next 5-6 days.

On a happy note, the nurse told me that my pathology report came back already and the polyp was benign.  So that was good to know and I should be getting my IVF calendar maybe next week.  So things are moving along!

Hope everyone else is having a great day!

Thanks for reading.


back to waiting . . . March 15, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 3:05 PM
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Well, the surgery went well, as far as I know.  Instead of one fibroid/polyp, there were 2 in there.  And the doctor also cleaned me out.  I got a call from the office today checking to see that I was ok (which was nice) and I asked again if I was still on track for April IVF and she said I should be.  So now I wait to get a call from the nurse to give me my schedule.  I probably won’t hear from her for a couple of weeks, but as I write this I am reminded that she said I could always email her.  So I will do that and see when I might be getting my schedule and when I might start.

Yesterday I was very tired and groggy all day but I could not fall asleep.  Last night I was able to and slept pretty well.  Today I am still tired and VERY bloated!  Hoping that goes away soon.  I think it also has to do with this crazy Chicago weather!  We have been trying to get cool in the house with the windows open but it was still 80 inside (and also outside).  So we broke down and put the A/C on.  That will most certainly help.

Not too much else going on.  I have been thinking of trying to find a “work from home” job.  It would certainly give me the flexibility with all the RE appointments and also give me the flexibility to still help hubby out with his business when he needs me.  Any tips out there?  Finding something legitimate is always the tough part!

Hope everyone is having a great day!!!

Thanks for reading.