now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

repost . . . January 15, 2013

Filed under: Baby — nowandevermore @ 10:10 PM
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So a friend of mind reminded me about something I posted last year  before our 3rd and successful IVF and I thought I would post it again.

We finally have our Chocolate Cake and could not be happier.

This is also for those ladies who are still waiting to be served their dessert.

Dessert Anyone?

Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn’t be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don’t even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant’s marvelous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, “Hey that sounds perfect. I’ll have chocolate cake too please.”

The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband’s hand and sigh “Yes, life just couldn’t get any better.”

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn’t. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter!  Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You’re even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don’t know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, “Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too.”

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, “Ahhh, here he is.” You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn’t notice, he’s busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, “Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered”? The waiter just replies, “The baker has said that you must wait.” He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can’t get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, “Where is our dessert?” You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, “Even without chocolate cake, life is still good.”

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It’s getting late and people are noticing you haven’t received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don’t know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. “Why” is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, “Should I order cherry pie too”? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, “I’m sorry ma’am, you just need to be patient and wait.”

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, “Where is my chocolate cake?” You don’t though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. “It will make me fat” one says. “Ugh. I have enough already” another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter…and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can’t hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. “We knew it would happen” they say. “You just needed to relax”! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It’s such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. “Something is wrong” he says. “Don’t worry my dear, the time is soon.”

There’s confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don’t know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and to ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles…”Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one.” You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breath. That’s all you can do. You breath and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it’s time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it’s manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband’s dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you’re afraid too. You ask the waiter, “Will you take it away”? “No, this one was made especially for you.”

You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it’s not a dessert you have ever seen before. It’s then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. “How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted”? The waiter just smiles and says, “Because he knows and loves you.” If you look, you can see him there. You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can’t hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big “Thank You” and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It’s then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way. The waiting, the crying, the agony. It’s all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband’s hand and sigh again, “Yes, life just couldn’t get any better.”

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Thanks for reading.


due date . . . January 9, 2013

Filed under: Baby — nowandevermore @ 10:36 AM

Today was the due date of our little guy.  Still so hard to believe that 2 weeks and 5 days ago he came into this world and into our lives.

There are times I just can’t stop looking at him and cannot believe how much I love him.

Just for fun I posted a “bump” photo of how I look today.  🙂

Thanks for reading!


blocked tear ducts & cradle cap . . . January 7, 2013

Filed under: Baby — nowandevermore @ 9:37 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

So earlier this afternoon, we got little guy up for a feeding and noticed that he had some “gunk” around his eyes.  It was whitish/yellowish and crusty.  We were able to use a warm cloth and wipe it away and get his eyes “unstuck” so they could open.  We immediately called the pediatrician’s office.  A nurse called us back in about 30 minutes and said it was most likely blocked tear ducts, which is not uncommon in newborns.  So instructions are to use the warm cloth and massage the sides of the nose to help unblock them.  It could take a couple of weeks, but should be fine.  We can also continue to clean the eye area with the cloth as we have been.

While we were on the phone with her we also noticed a little bit of dry scalp on his head.  She immediately said that was cradle cap.  Again, very common in newborns.  Since they had been bathed in the amniotic fluid for so long, this environment is a bit dry compared to that so we can use Vaseline or baby oil or even Neutrogena T-Gel on the area and it should also clear up in a couple of weeks.

Poor guy.  Otherwise, he is doing well.

I did forget to mention a few things in my last post.

1)  I have definitely learned a few things about diapering a boy.  🙂  I have a lot of these little wash cloths.  I use one to cover his parts while I am changing the diaper in case he decides to pee again while the diaper is off.  It has worked for the most part, but on a couple of occasions he has caught me off guard.  Today I opened the diaper and he shot right at me.  I was quick with my hand and thankfully only a bit got on my shirt.  I will be sure to tell him of this when he is older. 🙂  And another thing, make sure it is pointed down when you are closing up the diaper.  Not sure if it was just the diaper brand, but he had a few instances of peeing outside of the diaper and down his back.  So pointed down as well as a different brand of diaper has seemed to solve that problem.  As far as the diaper brand, we started using Huggies Snugglers.  After asking a couple of moms, we switched to Pampers Swaddlers.  I like them much better!

2)  For the first week and a half or so of my recovery I pretty much had to lie on my back because of the incision.  It is funny.  During the 2nd and 3rd trimester of the pregnancy I could no longer lie on my back and I kept dreaming of the day I could do this, even though I was always a side sleeper, I enjoyed having the option.  So now I was only able to lie on my back and I could not wait to be able to lie on my sides again.  All is well now as I can pretty much lie in any position.  I am not a belly sleeper, but I think this would still be a bit uncomfortable now.

I think that is it for now.  If I remember something else I will be sure to post again.  I feel in a fog most days because of the lack of sleep.  Hopefully this will get better.

Thanks for reading.


first 2 weeks . . . January 6, 2013

Filed under: Baby — nowandevermore @ 1:03 PM
Tags: , , , ,

Now that I told the birth story I thought I would share how the 1st two weeks have gone.

First off, I had the help of my Mom and stepdad.  They ran errands, grocery shopped, cooked and cleaned and took care of our dog.  I handled everything baby along with hubby.  It was such a ig help to have them here.  Moving around the first week was tough because of the c-section, so if you are in that position don’t turn down the help.

Our house is a tri-level.  We have a living area, laundry room and bathroom on the lower level (also a door to the garage), the middle level has another living area and the kitchen and then the upper level has the 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.  So I stayed on the upper level most of the time.  Once in a while I would venture downstairs, but not too much the first few days as stairs were uncomfortable.


The first night home was tough.  We think the little guy had his days and nights messed up, which is not uncommon for newborns.  He would sleep most of the day and then be awake most of the night.  We attempted to use the crib in the baby’s room for him to sleep in.  We also have a futon in there.  So I would feed him and then put him in the crib.  Shortly after I put him down he would start to fuss/cry.  Then I would pick him up to settle him and put him down.  Then he would fuss/cry.  This went on all night.  I think I got maybe 1 hour of sleep total (this made a total of about 3 hours of sleep the last 3 days).  It was a real test of my patience and I cried most of the night myself.

The next night I had hubby put the pack-n-play together (it has a bassinet feature) and set it up in our bedroom.  That way I could be closer to the baby and also my bed.  That night was a little better, but we were all still trying to figure things out.  The next few nights he did ok.  I would wake up to nurse every 3 hours or so and get him to go back to sleep.  I am getting about 6 hours of sleep a night.  This is split up into two sessions of 3 hours each.  Sometimes less, depending on when he gets hungry.


On Monday (Dec. 24), our 1st full day at home I was changing him in the morning and noticed that he looked a little jaundice.  I called the pediatrician.  It was before office hours, but he called me back within 10 minutes.  He even apologized for it taking him so long to call back.  This surprised me because I didn’t think it was that long. 🙂  He said to bring Lil Pete in that morning so he could take a look.  (I do want to mention we did not have the opportunity to meet the doctor before our baby came.  He was not able to meet with us because of his busy schedule, so the 1st time I met him was in the hospital.  He came highly recommended by my OB and even the nurses in the hospital (when we took the classes, so I took a chance and am very pleased!)

We got to the office and they weighed him and he had dropped to 6 pounds, 3.5 ounces.  When he had his bath in the hospital on Saturday night he was 6 pounds, 9 ounces.  It is typical for babies to drop some weight early on.  Doctor said it was about 7% drop which is ok.  But of course I was still worried.  The doctor decided to send us for a blood test for the little guy to test his Bilirubin which is what causes the Jaundice.

This was a pain in the butt!  Most labs in the area were closed because it was Christmas Eve.  So he sent us to the hospital where I gave birth.  He told us to go to the Outpatient Center.  We did and were told that they do not treat children that we needed to go to the Children’s Hospital.  It is attached but not close.  I asked how far and she said a little bit of a walk.  There was no way I felt up to walking more, so she said she could get a wheelchair for me.  So a guy came and wheeled me to the Children’s Hospital, while Peter carried Lil Pete behind us.

Oh and did I forget to tell you that I left my purse at home?  The pediatrician’s office had no issue with this.  I was grateful.  So when we got to the desk at the Children’s Hospital I handed over the order and they said not having my ID and insurance card were no problem.  They told us to go down the hall and through a door to the lab.  Once in there to knock on the door and we would be helped.  So we did and I handed the order over to them and the lab technician said this order is for the lab down the street.  What???  Apparently the Doc’s office had written the order for a lab that is attached to the hospital and we were not told about this.  I was starting to lose it.  Between the lack of sleep, the pain and worrying about the baby, I just didn’t want to deal with this.

Then an angel came to our rescue.  She saw that I was starting to get upset and asked what was wrong.  We explained to her that he needed a blood test and that I didn’t have my info but that I JUST was at the hospital the day before.  She had someone call the doctor’s office to get another request sent over.  Then she was also able to pull up my info from my delivery records and get Lil Pete set up into their system at the Children’s Hospital.  Then all was ok and Lil Pete could get his blood drawn.  I was so grateful for her.

He was a trooper and didn’t fuss too much.  Then we were on our way.  They gave us some paperwork so that if we needed to go back for a follow-up test all we had to do was knock on the lab door and hand them the paperwork.

The bilirubin came back at 14.  Doc said it wasn’t too bad and did not require any sort of photo therapy.  He did want me to supplement the breast milk with a 1/2 ounce of formula at each feeding.  The bilirubin passes out of the system in the pee and poop, so the more he eats the faster the jaundice will clear up.  My milk had not yet come in also, so this will help put some weight back on him.  He also wanted us to go for a follow-up blood test on the 26th.

We went for another blood test on the 26th and this time we went right to Children’s Hospital and knocked on the door and went right in.  Such a difference from last time.  We were in and out in 10 minutes.  Billiruben came back at 18, which was still not too bad.  Doc wanted us to come to the office on Friday for a follow-up and increase the formula to 1 ounce.  My milk had come in on the left side, but the right was a slow responder.

At Friday’s appointment, our little guy was 6 pounds, 6.5 ounces.  So he had gained 3 ounces! YAY!!!  The doc wanted us to go for one more blood test.  This time the bilirubin was 17.  So it was getting better.  We were to continue with what we were doing. and see them in a week.

Lil Pete’s color had gotten so much better and he was peeing about 10 times a day and pooping 5-6 times.  So we knew his system was getting cleaned out and we were happy.  At the appointment Friday, he weighed 6 pounds, 11 ounces and was 20.5 inches long.  He was improving and the doctor was pleased.  He still wants to supplement with the formula and gave us a different one so that he gets a bit more calories.  They gave me a sample can and when I got home I noticed it was expired.  I called the office and the nurse apologized and said all the other cans they have are in date that she will set a few aside for me to get later. It happens and when I picked them up later there were 3 cans!  WOO HOO!  That would have cost us about $45 if I were to buy them in the store!

Our next appointment is January 25.  He will get his 2nd of 3 Hepatitis B Vaccine shots and I am hoping he will have gained even more and maybe by that time I can stop with the formula and exclusively breastfeed.  The right one is still a little slow, so I am trying to pump and give it to him often to get it flowing better.

My Recovery

On my last day in the hospital I was able to shower.  They had taken the bandage off of the incision and I could not wait to be clean and in my own clothes.  I had my mom bring me some things that I was going to pack but never got to do it.  After the shower I noticed a rash on my entire belly.  It did not itch, but I wasn’t sure what it was from and the nurse didn’t seem too concerned.

When I got home, it got worse.  It really started to itch.  It was red also.  There was also a small patch on my lower back.  I determined that it was probably from the antiseptic they used to clean me before the surgery and before the spinal.  I have had surgery before but never had a reaction, so I wasn’t sure why this time was different.  I called the nurse at my OB’s office on Thursday (waited a bit longer than I should have) and she said to get Benadryl cream.  That did the trick.  Took a few more days but it cleared it up.

On Friday (Dec 28th), I went to the OB’s office for my post-op visit.  In the hospital they gave me a packet to take with me to my 1st post-op appointment.  It had a little tweezers type tool and some surgi-tape.  The appointment was quick.  Doc used the tool to take out my staples and then used the tape to cover the incision.  Taking out the staples did not hurt at all.  I was worried it would but no.  And everyone was fawning all over how cute the baby was.  🙂  The ultrasound tech saw me and she heard me tell the receptionist I was here to get my staples removed and she was surprised that I had the baby already.  It was a good visit and I get to go back for another post-op appointment on the 18th.

The first couple of days after the staples were removed, it hurt a little more.  I guess the staples gave it more stability than the tape did.  It wasn’t too bad, but definitely felt it.  And my darn husband always tries to get me to laugh and every time I would laugh before and after the staple removal I would get a couple laughs out and then it would be “ow, ow, ow.  Stop making me laugh!”

Another issue I had was swelling.  I really thought that after I had this baby the swelling I was experiencing in my legs would go down pretty quickly.  That was NOT the case.  In the hospital it was pretty bad and my left leg was worse.  Upon leaving, the doctor even told me don’t be surprised if the legs get even more swelled when I get home.  It is normal and could take a couple of weeks.

So I tried my best to keep my feet elevated, but it took pretty much the full 2 weeks to see a big difference.  I think there is still slight swelling in my left but overall they are mostly back to normal.

Throughout the pregnancy I never talked about my weight gain.  I put on 32 pounds from when I found out I was pregnant.  I was ok with that.  I did not want it to be anymore.  I was a little over weight to begin with, but as long as I kept it at or under 35 I was ok.  Well, I am pleased to say that I am down 22 pounds already!  With the baby, placenta and all the water weight I had retained, it seemed to come off pretty quickly.  The first few days it was only about 10 pounds, but once I started getting rid of the water retention it seemed to drop off.  And I know breastfeeding helps too.

Speaking of breastfeeding . . . it is going well, but my right breast seems a little slow in the milk production.  I need to try to get it to catch up with the left one.  I pump it once in a while but only get maybe a half an ounce.  Sometimes the baby latches and sucks for 10-15 minutes but I don’t think he really gets anything.  It doesn’t feel like anything is blocked, so I will keep trying and ask my doctor what more I can do.

Overall, things are going well.  My emotions get the better of me some days.  I just look at our little guy and cannot believe he is here.  I just love him so much and cannot imagine my life without him.  It was such a tough journey to get here and as much as I hated that we had to go through all the tests, surgeries, shots, blood draws, etc., it was all worth it and I would do it all over again.

For all of my readers that are still in the middle of their own personal struggle to become pregnant, I want nothing more than for all of you to be able to experience this joy.  I pray for you everyday and you are never far from my thoughts.

Thanks for reading!


birth story . . . January 4, 2013

Filed under: Baby — nowandevermore @ 8:06 PM
Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 weeks.  Our baby is already 2 weeks old.  I can’t believe it.  There were days during the pregnancy that I could not believe I was carrying a baby and even now I still can’t believe he is here.  It was such a tough journey and now he is here.  I finally have some time to sit down and share my story.  We will see how much I can get done before I need to step away.

011ps He loves having his hands up.  He did this a lot while we had the ultrasounds.

So on Friday, December 21 I had my appointment at the OB’s office for an NST.  They had been going well so I didn’t think this would be any different.  The baby’s heart rate took a little dip but came back up and then was fine.  It had done this before, but with the upcoming holiday and since I was getting close, the doctor wanted to be sure everything was still ok.  So they did another ultrasound and things looked great.  Also he was no longer in the breech position, he was now transverse.  Still required a c-section, but it looked like he might be on his way down.

Doctor wanted to be cautious and wanted me monitored later that afternoon and then again Monday.  Because of the holiday, I would have to go to the hospital for this.  So at 1:30pm, I drove myself to the hospital.  Hubby had to work and I figured I would be there for a couple of hours and head back home.  Was I wrong!

During the time I was there the baby’s heart rate took a few more dips.  Nothing dangerous, but enough to cause concern.  The nurse popped in and said I bet the doctor is going to deliver this baby tonight.  That really pissed me off.  This was not my plan.  I still had things to do.  Hubby had to work all weekend out-of-town and this was my weekend to get everything finished, cleaned and prepped for the arrival on the 2nd, which was the planned c-section.  Then the nurse came back in at about 4:30pm and said that the doctor wanted to deliver this baby that night.  Cue the waterworks.

I called hubby and told him and it really shocked him.  We both thought things would be fine and I would already be back home.  But he was able to calm my fears and let me know that he would be there!  Thankfully they did not have to rush me to surgery, so I told them hubby would not make it until about 8:30 or 9pm and the doc said, that is fine, they had 3 other ladies who they needed to deliver before me.  Whew!  Hubby could not miss this!

I then called my mom.  They were going to be here for the delivery anyway, so I let them know it was happening and they said they would drive up that night.  I had left our poor dog crated since 1:30pm and knew he must have to go out and he hadn’t eaten dinner yet.  My parents were able to get to our house by 10:00pm (driving from St. Louis) and Buddy was fine.

So I sat in my triage room waiting for hubby.  He showed up before 9pm all decked out in his tux. 🙂  A little before 10pm the nurse came in and told hubby to get changed into his scrubs.  It was happening!

I got up, unhooked from the monitors and we all walked to the operating room.  Hubby was to wait outside until I got my spinal and then they would bring him in.  I got into the room.  Saw the table and started to get nervous.  Ok I was already nervous, but I started to get really nervous.  They had me sit down on the table to get ready for the spinal.  The nurse was standing in front of me holding my hands and I was told to hunch over and push my lower back out.  They cleaned the area and then gave me a shot to numb it.  That hurt.  I actually moved some as it was painful and started to cry and apologize for moving and I remember telling the nurse, through my tears that I was very scared.  She was very nice to me through it.  Once that shot was done, I did not feel the actual needle go into my spine at all!  Thank GOD!  Next thing I know they said, ok lie down on the table.

I was face up and my arms were straight out to my side on supports.  They started to administer the medicine and my legs got warm and started to tingle.  Things seemed to happen pretty fast.  They got the drape up so that all I could see was down to my chest.  Hubby was brought into the room and got to sit on a chair by my head and held my hand the entire time.

I could feel more and more of my lower body get numb.  Then before long, the doctor was there and he asked if I could feel anything.  My guess is that he was poking me with a sharp object, but I felt nothing.  Then it began.  They cleaned my entire belly with an antiseptic and waited 3 minutes for it to dry.  I remember then specifically stating that.  Then I guess they started to cut me open.  Obviously I do not know what is going on.  I guess I could have asked, but I was still a ball of nerves and kept quiet.  I think they must have been cauterizing the wound as they were cutting.  I could smell something burning.  I assume it was me.  yuck!  I felt a lot of pressure.  Then they broke the water.  I could hear it, but not feel it.

More pressure.  They were pushing at the top of my belly down.  I am sure they were manipulating the baby to get him out.  They said they had to use the vacuum on him to get his head out.  Then he was out at 10:30pm.  I sobbed a little, but waited to hear.  Hear that beautiful cry.  It seemed like an eternity.  Then hubby said he could see him on the table and he had the white stuff on him (vernix).  Then all of a sudden he cried!  I burst into more tears.  That was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.  Hubby and I both cried as our baby cried.  He was out and ok!  Three years, 37 weeks and 2 days in the making and he was finally here!

They cleaned him up and wrapped him in the blanket with his little hat.  Then they brought him over to us.  What a beautiful site.  I kissed him on the forehead and then hubby did the same.  I kissed hubby and then they were gone.  Hubby accompanied Lil Pete to the nursery, doc “delivered” the placenta and I was stapled up (29 of them).

It was kind of funny.  The doctor was talking to me while he was closing the incision.  Asking about hubby’s work, etc.  It was all kind of odd.  Then I was wheeled into the recovery room.  I was still not able to see our little guy, but hubby came in and kept me company.  I had to be in recovery a little longer than typical.  They were giving me pain meds and they were not kicking in.  I got several doses.  I hated being in there because that meant more time away from the baby.  Finally I was on my way to my room.

We stopped at the nursery and I got to see our guy for the 2nd time, through the window.  Then I got to my room.  Hubby was asked to stay outside, while the nurses got me settled.  I was given the option for them to help me move onto the bed from the gurney, or for me to slide myself.  I slid myself.  It was tough, but not too terrible.

Then a few minutes later our baby joined us.  It was 2am but I was not tired.  I got to hold him for the first time and tried to breastfeed.  It was the perfect way to end the day, or I guess start the next day.  🙂  Hubby left about 2:45am as he had to travel to Dubuque the next day.  It was tough not having him with me at the hospital for the rest of our stay, but he is self-employed and that is how we pay the bills.

So my stay pretty much was time with the baby and my mom would visit me each day.  We purposely did not call and tell people that the baby was here.  Everything happened so fast and unexpectedly, that I think it would have been too overwhelming to have visitors.  So we waited until I got home to post to Facebook and send emails.

On Saturday night, a little after 10pm.  The nurse came in and took Lil Pete to have a bath and get his Hepatitis B Vaccine.  It was weird not having him in the room.  The hospital believes in having the baby in the room with mom at all times, unless medically necessary to be in the nursery or otherwise.  So I loved it.  And when they brought him back I cried a little again because I had missed him so much.  As you can tell I was just a ball of emotions ( and still am).

On Sunday he had his circumcision.  The nurse told me, when they brought him back, that he did not fuss at all until she put him back in the bassinet.  What a trooper.  Then later, in the room, he had his hearing tested.  They put some electronic probes on him and then the little ear phones and he did so well!  They play these clicks in his ears and the probes report back how the brain reacts to the sound.  He passed with flying colors!  The technician thanked me for helping to keep his fussing to a minimum.  She said I was the first Mom to have done that and it helped a lot.  Not sure why other Mom’s would not help, but oh well.  Seemed like a no-brainer to me.

Then hubby got back from Dubuque Sunday evening and made it to the hospital around 8pm.  I found out earlier in the day that I was going to be discharged.  Again I had to tell them that it had to wait until hubby made it to the hospital.  (He had to have my mom Drive him since my car, with the car seat, was parked in the hospital garage.)

The nurses had told me that they were hoping to close the 3rd floor for the holiday.  Labor and delivery and maternity is on the second floor.  They do have some overflow rooms on the third floor, which is where I was.  There were not many of us and if I had not been let go by the doctor, they would have moved me down to the 2nd floor.  So I was torn.  Not sure I was ready (mentally) to leave and also wanting to just be at home with my family.

So the doctor said I could go and that was ok.  I did feel a little bit rushed and plan on communicating that back to the hospital on the survey I received in the mail, but glad to be going home!  I think we got out of there around 9:30pm or so and headed home.

We got home and off started the adventure.

I will post about that next.

All in all it was not a bad experience.  Not what I had planned but he is here and healthy and that is the most important part.  I really wanted to experience giving birth vaginally, but things don’t always work out the way we hoped.  Like they say, You plan and God laughs.  🙂

I don’t feel cheated out of the experience.  I would have liked to have seem him come out of me, to have held him the moment he arrived and to have had the opportunity to bond with him immediately.  But it did not happen.  And I am sad about that.  But we have been bonding ever since and I don’t think having him the way I did hurt that bond.  At least that is how I feel about it.

Now, off to tend to the little guy.

Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!