now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

37 weeks . . . December 20, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 11:34 AM
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Well, our little guy is still breech.  So I am scheduled for a c-section on January 2 (39 weeks).  That is less than 2 weeks away!

I got home on Tuesday, after the ultrasound, and bawled my eyes out.  I did not want to have a c-section and I really thought that he had turned back.  When hubby got home, we talked and I felt better afterwards.

This isn’t what we planned, but all I want is for the baby to be healthy and get here safely.

I know if you do research there are ways to try to turn the baby, from pushing on your stomach, taking supplements, certain exercises, standing on your head, etc.  OK, maybe not the last one, but you get the idea.  If I really thought that anything would work and work safely I might consider trying it.  But at this point, I just don’t think anything would work and with the issues we have had with the baby’s heart rate dropping because he was probably playing with his umbilical cord, I certainly do not want to risk any of the movements putting undo pressure on the cord and causing more problems.  It isn’t worth it.

Today I also did some research on c-sections and Crohn’s Disease.  I haven’t really thought much about my Crohn’s because it has been in remission for over 15 years and I have not had any flares at all during the pregnancy.  But I was curious what might be recommended as far as delivering vaginally vs. c-section.

When I did have issues with my Crohn’s, the problem area seemed to be perianal, such as fissures and Crohn’s related skin-tags.    I knew that if I were to have a vaginal birth, I was concerned about the tearing and subsequent episiotomy.  I would need to be cut diagonally instead of straight down.  Healing after birth would be challenging as the area does not heal as fast with Crohn’s.  So that was always in the back of my mind, especially knowing this guy appears to have a large head.

So I think that in this case, the c-section is the way to go.  Honestly I do not know if I would have really pursued this had the baby not been breech, but I also believe that things happen for a reason.  Maybe this guy decided to turn at the last moment so that my body would not have to go through the issues that might pop up with me having Crohn’s.

Whatever the reason, I will deal with it and things will be just fine.  My parents will be here to help and of course my hubby will be here as well.

So unless things drastically change, we will be meeting our son on January 2, 2013.  It all seems to exciting and scary at the same time.  But I can’t wait to hold him in my arms!!!


36 weeks . . . December 15, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 1:07 PM
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Sorry I have not been posting these updates promptly.  Just so unmotivated to do much these days.

Appointment last Tuesday went well.  However, the ultrasound showed our little guy was breech!  Yes just a week ago he was head down!  I went back on Friday and has my NST and things were good.  I asked the doctor, based on the placement of the monitor, did he think that he was back head down.  He took me into an exam room and felt around on my belly and said he could not tell.  So he did a quick cervical exam (MAN THAT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and he said he didn’t think, based on what he felt) that he was head down.  Darn it!

He wants to go ahead and get me on the schedule for a c-section at 39 weeks.  He said if we wait too long, they might be booked and it could be difficult to get a time around 39 weeks and he doesn’t want me to start active labor and be in an emergency situation.  We can always cancel the appointment if the baby turns between now and then.  Praying he turns.

But after thinking about things, my only wish is that he is delivered safely and ok.  Whether he comes vaginally or by c-section I just want him to be ok.  Sure I would love to experience a vaginal birth, but it is out of my hands.

I have been feeling some movement up top, like maybe he is moving his legs, so I am really hoping he has turned back around.  We will get to see on Tuesday.  But then I will feel little movements at the bottom.  Could this be him moving his arms?  Who knows?  I think it is pretty amazing that women can actually tell which side is up and when the baby does his flips.  If he is, I certainly can not tell.  Honestly I think what happened is the night before the ultrasound, I tossed and turned ALL night.  So I am thinking that he moved at that time.


I think the nursery is finished.  I actually have our sons name on the walls in wooden letters that I painted to match the mirrors, but I took them out of the photo as we are not announcing that yet!  🙂  Next to the crib is a side table and then a futon, that is currently made into a bed, but I will be setting that back up.  There is also a chest of drawers on the opposite wall.   It was a spare bedroom and can still be used for that if needed.  The quilt hanging on the back of the crib is the one my mom made and quilted by hand.  A treasure!

002c  001c

I am in the process of packing my hospital bag.  I bought 2 nursing/nightgowns to wear in the hospital.  I got them on  One was $10 and one was $12.  Everything else I saw on other sites were $40 and higher.  That is crazy!  The second one I actually got in a lavender and it comes with a newborn gown.

Dream Cafe Maternity Nursing Sleep ShirtEarth Angels Maternity Baby & Me 2-Piece Set

So all I need to go is get the actual bag packed up.


I cannot believe we are so close.  Potentially we will meet this little guy in 2 and a half weeks.  YIKES!!!  So much is going through my head.  How will labor go?  Will I be a good mother?  Will our dog be ok when we bring the baby home?  (We will be bringing something home prior to the baby, with the baby’s scent on it to get Buddy used to the smell.)  I know these are normal concerns.  It is all just getting so real!

I will try to update a little sooner next week.

Thanks for reading!


35 weeks . . . December 8, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 12:23 PM
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Sorry I did not get to post this on Wednesday.  Just been a bit of a hectic (rough) week.  Things are well.  Just been really tired and not feeling like doing much.

Things are looking good with our little guy.  Ultrasounds are going well, still 8 out of 8 on them and the NSTs are going well too.  A couple of times the heart rate drops a bit, but it comes right back up and the doc thinks he is probably rolling around and pinching his umbilical cord or something like that.  Little stinker!

So because of this they are monitoring me a little more, but I feel good about it.  I was concerned that my swollen feet might be heading toward an issue with pre-eclampsia. but all the blood work and urine tests came out normal.  So I am just one of the lucky women whose feet swell a little more than normal.

Can’t believe we are so close to meeting our little miracle.  4 1/2 weeks or even 3 1/2 if he is still growing as fast as he is.  Heck it could be sooner than that!  I still have to get the car seat installed and checked at the local police department.  I still need to pack my hospital bag and finish putting things away in the nursery.

There are times during the day that he is sitting so high I find that I get out of breath so easily.  But I know he will probably start to drop soon and then I will be able to breath, but probably have to pee more.  LOL!

So there is the update!  Hope everyone else is having a great weekend!

Thanks for reading!


34 weeks . . . November 28, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 10:43 PM
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6 weeks or less to go!

You know it’s funny.  I remember while I was in the 1st trimester and things seemed to be moving along so slowly.  It was probably the morning sickness causing me to feel this way.  I have to tell you the 3rd trimester seems to be going by pretty quickly.

Doctor appointments have been going well.  I had a small scare last week while I was having my NST.  The baby’s heart rate was going along fine.  They like to see spikes.  He must have been sleeping because it was pretty steady.  Then he woke up and had some good movements and at one point my uterus tightened up and then his heart rate dropped to the 90s.  That freaked me out because it was steady around the 140s to 150s.  The doctor kept me on the monitor for a while longer and things we ok from that point on.  Doctor said it was ok because it didn’t happen again, but it freaked me out.

And our little guy who had been head down the last few weeks decided he was going to be in the breech position when they did the ultrasound.  It is still early so it was ok.  I was just surprised.  And we were told he weighed 5 pounds.

I went back yesterday for another u/s and NST.  The NST only took 10 minutes this time or so because he was very cooperative ( I was on the monitor almost an hour last week).  Then the ultrasound showed that he was back to being head down.  Whew!  Let’s hope he stays that way.

The next measuring ultrasound will be at 37 weeks or December 18th.  At that time the doctor will be able to let us know how big he thinks the baby will be and whether or not I will need to be induced a week early.  Until then we will continue with the twice weekly NST’s and the once a week ultrasounds.


As far as how I am feeling . . . the pregnancy is starting to take its toll on me.  The lack of a good night’s sleep is catching up.  The baby seems to be sitting high sometimes and out front, which makes me feel out of breath a lot.  Walking up the stairs in our house is a major task.  Heck just getting out of a chair is a chore and I am grateful that my hubby is stepping up and helping me when he is around.  And it is getting more uncomfortable to drive.  Again this goes back to how he is sitting.  He is making it a bit difficult to sit up straight so driving isn’t the most comfortable.  But I know you have to do what you have to do.


Sorry if this post is all over the place.  I feel a bit out of sorts.  Next post will be better.  I promise.

Thanks for reading!


another year older . . . November 18, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 10:46 AM
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Well, today I turn 41.  41 and pregnant.  Who would have thought?  Not me!  I was supposed to be the mother of teenagers by this age right?  Well, that is what I used to think when I was younger.  But as they say, you plan and God laughs.  🙂

I have to say I would not change things.  Well, it would have been nice not to have had to struggle for 3 years to get pregnant or going through all of the procedures, but I don’t mind being pregnant at this age, even marrying my husband 4 years ago.  Yes, our anniversary was November 15.  It is nice feeling prepared emotionally and financially for this.

There are days I feel every bit of my age, but then I think is it because I am pregnant or is it because I am 41 and pregnant?  What ever it is I am grateful to feel it because I have another life inside of me.  A life that has been prayed for, for years.  We are less than 60 days away from meeting our little guy and I can’t wait!


I had my 2nd NST on Friday and it went well.  Little boy seemed to sleep for a while, but then he woke up and they got some good reading on him.  Back to the office on Tuesday for another ultrasound and NST before the Thanksgiving holiday.


As I mentioned, our 4th wedding anniversary was the 15th and unfortunately hubby was not here to celebrate it with me.  😦  He is on a mini tour.  Started out in Wisconsin, then North Dakota and he is in Montana for 2 shows.  Tonight is his last show and then he heads back.  He should be home Tuesday morning.   I cannot wait to see him.  The longest we have been apart since we got married is one night.  So this has been pretty tough.  I think probably extra tough because we are so close to having this baby and I am full of hormones.  We talk on the phone twice a day and s that has helped.  In the mean time he has sent me flowers, 3 days worth!  One for the anniversary and one for my birthday and one in between. 🙂

What a great guy who I love very much!  🙂

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Thanks for reading!


1st NST scan . . . November 13, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 3:23 PM
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Today was my first NST scan.  A non-stress test (NST) measures fetal heart rate, fetal movement, and uterine activity to make sure there’s no fetal distress.  Here is a picture of the monitors.  This is not my belly.  It is one I found on the internet.

The lower monitor (mine was set a bit higher up) measures the baby’s heart rate.  And the upper monitor (mine as a little higher) measures the uterine activity (such as contractions).

I sat there for maybe 15 minutes and then got to go talk to the doctor.  He said everything looked great!  He measured me and my fundal measurement was right at 32 weeks, which I will be tomorrow.  So that is great!

Then I had an ultrasound.  I will be having the NST and U/S once a week and then an additional NST once a week.  For the days they do an NST & U/S they will “grade” me.  They look for 5 things and either give you a 2 or a 0.  So they like to see a score of at least an 8 out of 10.  If you are at 6 they want to see you the next day and if you are at a 4 you may be delivering.

The 5 things they look at are Heart rate (NST), Breathing, Movement, Muscle Tone and Amniotic Fluid.  The last 4 are measured on the U/S.  I am proud to say I (the baby) scored a 10 out of 10!

It was such a great appointment!  And the best part.  We got a couple more shots of the baby and a couple of great 3D ones.  And I can say now that our little guy looks like hubby did when he was a baby.  Look for yourself.  Here is a side by side shot of the baby with a baby picture of hubby.  Amazing!

Thanks for reading!


OB visit and liebster blog award . . . November 10, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff,Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 12:52 PM
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Friday I had an OB appointment.  Hubby and I walked into the office and noticed that it was empty.  There was one guy sitting there, I can only assume waiting for his wife.  We signed in and was told the doctor was not in that I would be seeing the nurse.  Ahhhhhhhh!  Now it all made sense.  This has happened one other time.  I was told that he was in emergency surgery.  I did not have a problem with not getting to see him.  I would want to know I could count on my doctor to be there for me if I needed him so all was ok.

So the nurse called me back, weighed me, took my blood pressure, checked my urine and listened to the heartbeat and that was pretty much it.  Blood pressure was 110/70, urine was good and heart rate was in the 140s.  She did not do the fundal measurement.

So now I start the twice weekly appointments.  First one is on Tuesday.  We will get to see the little guy again and then have the NST (Non-stress test) to check the baby.  This is where they hook my belly up to a monitor and check the baby for about 20 minutes.  I guess they listen/record to the heartbeat for that long and they like to see spikes in it for when he moves around.  So it should be interesting.  I am hoping hubby can go so he will know what I will be doing for the next several weeks, in case he can’t make it.  He has been great about going to all of my appointments with me.  I love that he is able to be there with his work.  But we are coming up to his busy time and there won’t be many opportunities for him to make a lot of the appointments in December.  But that is how we pay the bills. 🙂


As promised here is the post on the Liebster Blog Award.

Thank you, cmdcupcake at for nominating me for a Leibster Blog Award! This award is granted to up-and-coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers who deserve some recognition and support to keep on blogging.

The instructions are:

1) to answers the 11 questions written by your nominator. 2) to nominate 11 other bloggers who have less than 200 followers. 3) to write 11 of your own questions for each nominee to answer.

Here are the questions I will answer:

1. Why did you make the decision to start trying  to conceive and how long have you been trying?  Hubby and I knew right away we wanted kids.  But since our entire dating relationship was long-distance, we decided to wait about 5-6 months after I moved to Chicago, to be with him, to start.  (I turned 37 3 days after we got married so I knew time was critical.)  Had I know it would have taken us as long as it did, I would not have waited.  Hindsight is 20/20.  It took is 3 years to get to being pregnant with this baby.

2. What is the worst thing someone has said to you during your TTC journey so far?  “Just relax.  It will happen.”  “I started walking on the treadmill and lost about 5 pounds, then I got pregnant.”  “Why do you want to rush into having kids.  You just got married.”  To name a few.

3. When and why did you start your blog? Do you have more than one blog?  I started before I got into IVF #2.  I had already gone through 3 failed IUIs, multiple procedures and a filed IVF and I really needed an outlet for what we were going through.  I thought it would be a good way to connect with others who have had similar struggles and also thought it might help people who were going through what I was going through.  This is my only blog.  Only a few close friends know about it though and no family other than my hubby.

4. What do you do for a living? Is it your dream job, if not what is?  Currently I help my hubby out with his business.  So I get to work from home.  Prior to meeting him, I worked as a tax accountant in St. Louis.  I was at one of the Big 5 firms for 5 years, then went to work at a client and was there for 9 years before moving up Chicago.  I telecommuted at the last job for the following year and then that was the end of that.  I have enjoyed helping my husband with his work, in whatever way I can (keeping the books, tagging along and being his official photographer, videographer, etc.)  Last year I started a little business of my own.  I have always loved to draw so I started a business where I can recreate your favorite photographs into pencil or pastel works of art. 🙂  It has been a little slow to take off, but The few jobs I have had I have really enjoyed.  I don’t feel very comfortable saying the name of the business as right now I enjoy keeping this blog anonymous, but here is an example of what I can do.

5. What is your favorite book?  I don’t really have a favorite book.  As we get into the Christmas season, I am quite fond of the Christmas books by Donna VanLiere.  Very heartwarming and easy reads.  I also just picked up her memoir “Finding Grace.”  I haven’t started it yet, but will be doing so shortly.  She also struggled to have kids and ended up adopting.

6. How do you relax when TTC gets tough?  I can’t say that I would have a good answer to this.  I was almost always thinking about TTC.  It really takes over your life, especially when you have absolutely no control, which I hate.  Typically I would try to watch some mindless TV in the evenings.

7. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?  Actually I love living right where I live.  But if I could travel anywhere, it would be Italy or the UK.  I also want to visit every state in the US before I die.  I have visited 32, so only 18 left to go.  Most of them are in the Northeast and the Northwest.  If I could have tagged along with hubby on his trip next week I would have been able to mark 2 more off the list (Montana and North Dakota), but it would be too tough on my body.  Oh well.

8. What is currently playing on your iPod?  As sad as it sounds, my iPod sits in a dock on my desk and I rarely play it.  But that will change soon as we get closer to Christmas.  I will be playing Christmas music a lot!  🙂

9.  What is your favorite TV show?  I really enjoy the Amazing Race.  Love to see the world without getting off the sofa! LOL

10. What is the most useful piece of advice you have been given (doesn’t have to be fertility related)?  It is actually a quote my mom taped up on the kitchen cabinet when we were kids.  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

11. Dog or cat person?  Definitely a dog person!

Ok.  Now to the questions I will pose for 11 other bloggers.  And forgive me, as time is ticking away, I am going to steal some already asked questions that I found on another blog.

1. If you could meet any person (real or fiction) who would it be and what question would you ask them?

2. How did you meet your spouse/partner? Was it love at first sight?

3.  What is the meaning behind your blog name?

4. Do people in real life know about your blog? Why or why not?

5. What is your greatest fear in life?

6. Who has been the most positive role model in your life to date and why?

7. What about your infertility journey is most difficult for you?

8. What is your most favorite comfort food?

9. What possession do you love and would be heartbroken to part with?

10. What do you do to he your spouse through the struggle of infertility?

11. If you were a billionaire how would you choose to spend your time?

Here are the bloggers I have chosen!

Thanks for reading!