now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

a good read . . . February 28, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 9:24 PM
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My mom got me a book (The Snow Globe by Sheila Roberts) a couple Christmas’ ago and yes I finally decided to sit down and read it.  It was a quick read.  I started it yesterday and just finished it.   I love the books that you can’t put down and when you do it never takes long to finish them. 🙂

Here is the summary from the inside flap:

“On a blustery afternoon, Kylie Gray wanders into an antique shop and buys an enchanting snow globe.  “There’s a story behind the snow globe,” the antique dealer tells her.  The original owner, he explains, was a German toy maker who lost his wife and son right before Christmas.  When the grieving widower received the handcrafted snow globe as a Christmas gift, he saw the image of a beautiful woman beneath the glass — a woman who would come into his life, mend his broken heart, and bring him back to the world of the living.  The dealer also tells Kylie that the snow globe has passed from generation to generation, somehow always landing in the bands of a person in special need of a Christmas miracle.

Kylie could use a miracle herself,  Maybe this Christmas the snow globe can bring her a new love.  A hopeful shake leads her on an adventure that makes a believer out of her.  When Kylie shares the story of the snow globe with her best friends — two women with problems of their own — they don’t believe it.  But they’re about to discover that at Christmastime, sometimes the impossible becomes possible and miracles really do come true.”

Of course this story made me feel all warm and fuzzie inside.  That is what they are supposed to do.  And I couldn’t help but wish I could get my hands on that snow globe myself so I could give it a good shake to see what it showed me.  But I am going to pretend I have a snow globe and each time I shake it, it shows me a scene of my husband, myself, our dog Buddy and our not-yet-conceived child.

With each set-back, I continue to believe that this will be our year to get pregnant and stay pregnant.  I have to keep believing.  There are so many miracles out there in everyday life, I have to believe that we will be blessed with one of them.

So I would suggest this as a good read.  It reminds us to stay hopeful, and we can always use some of that!

Thanks for reading!

P.S.  the darn doctor’s office that schedules the surgery called my cell phone this morning.  Now I do not always have my cell phone on me when I am at home and I did not hear it.  I have told them several times to CALL MY HOME PHONE.  So I missed it and just got the phone message tonight!  UGH!  On my list to call 1st thing.  First available appointment isn’t until March 14.  I really hope that does not mess up April IVF!


appropriate ? February 27, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 6:07 PM
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Two posts in one day . . . wow!

Ok, as I am not yet a parent, I may be off, but I do have an opinion on what I think I would do in this situation.

My hubby and I went to see “The Vow” today.  My question regards the appropriateness of allowing a young child to see a movie with this rating.  I do not consider myself to be a prude, but how many of you would bring a (I’m guessing) 3-year-old to see a movie that states the rating is PG-13 (for an accident scene, sexual content, partial nudity and some language)?  How much does a 3-year-old understand what they are looking at?  My hubby was reading the Wall Street Journal when he was 3 years old.  And if it isn’t a big deal for them to see backside nudity, a couple on the floor, in bed, etc, or hear profanity, why have the rating?

I know if you are the parent you can choose to let your child see whatever it is you want them to see (I am sure a lot of kids see a lot worse in this country).  But I guess for me, I would not take my child to see a movie that I would deem inappropriate for a 3-year-old.  Three years old is young and who wants their kids to grow up so fast?  Kids grow up so fast as it is nowadays.  A lot faster than I did way back in the dark ages. LOL

I don’t want it to come off as though I am trying to say that the little girl who was in the movie theater with her mom, Aunt and Grandma (I overheard them in the restroom after the movie) is now going to be scarred for life.  But I guess it just gives a moment to tell myself, given the opportunity, I would probably not take my child to see a movie  like that at that age.  I am not saying that I would hold fast to the 13 age limit.  I know it is a guideline and it is up to me as a parent to determine what I think is best for my child, but times are so different now and if I couldn’t get a baby sitter I might wait until it comes out on Red Box or something. 🙂  Just my 2 cents.

By the way, my mom took me to see “Stand By Me” which was Rated R when I was 14 or 15.  I had read the Stephen King book and was so excited to see it.  It is funny thinking back to what constituted a rating of R back then.  If you have seen the movie, you will know what I mean.  Nowadays I imagine the movie would fall into the PG-13 rating.  Isn’t it a little sad how things change and how tolerance as a whole is so much less than it used to be.

Ok, off my soapbox.

Thanks for reading!


back to waiting . . .

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 12:49 PM
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Since I am back to the waiting game I thought I would post this “Getting to Know You” post that a fellow blogger posted.  I was tagged in the post so I am continuing the game.  Here ya go.

Thanks, Queen!

Getting to Know You (the Rules):

1 – Post the rules
2 – Answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you.
3 – Create 11 new questions for the people you tag.
4 – Tag people and link them to your post.
5 – Let them know that you tagged them.
1. Why did you start blogging in the first place?  I wanted an outlet to talk about our TTC struggles.  I thought about keeping a journal, but after reading some other blogs out there I decided to do the same.  I like to think that I have helped some people cope with their own struggle by talking about mine.  I know reading other’s blogs have helped me!
2. What is your favorite hobby/pastime?  I don’t really have anything specific that I do often.  I love to bake.  But working at home I don’t have anywhere to take my baked goods once I bake them.  So I opt not to bake that much outside of Christmas.  If I had them here I would eat them and that would not be a pretty sight! 🙂
3. Have you gained or lost any friendships due to your infertility journey? I have definitely gained a lot of friends.  Even thought we have never met face to face I count them as friends.
4. How friendly are you with your neighbors? If we are outside at the same time we chit-chat, but we do not hang out socially.
5. If you get a Christmas or birthday present you don’t like, do you tell the person who gave it to you? No.  If they give me a gift receipt I will exchange it, but I still don’t tell them unless they bring it up later.  But if there is no gift receipt, I may regift it at a later date.
6. What is your biggest regret in your life? And if you don’t have any, what’s your secret?!  I try not to have any regrets.  Life is life.  I would have loved to have had the opportunity to have met my husband earlier in life.  It would have given us more time to TTC and not feel the pressure because of my age.
7. Have you ever tried Zumba?  I have thought about it, but my knees are not what they used to be after having surgery on them 10 years ago.  But it does look like fun!
8. If you could move anywhere in the world, where would it be?  Actually I really love living in the midwest.  I love being able to experience all of the seasons.  There are several places I would love to visit, but as far as living, I am happy where I am at.  Well, maybe if I won the lottery we would build a house about 10-20 miles west of where we live, to have some more land.
9. How do you celebrate your anniversary?  With my husband’s work, there is always a possibility that he will have to work on our Anniversary.  So we never plan any thing extravagant.  I either make us a nice dinner or we go out.  We may see a movie.  Nothing big.  Just spend time together.
10. What is your favorite movie?  Wizard of Oz
11. Are you a backseat driver?  I don’t think so.  I may say something once in a while, but usually keep my mouth shut and close my eyes if I need to!  LOL
Ok because I am having a moment where I can’t really be creative, I am going to “steal” the questions that were answered by the one who tagged me.  Here are the questions for those whom I tag (names below).  Have fun!

1.  What are your top 3 favorite recipes?

2.  What are 3 attributes you most love about your husband?

3.  Ascribe 5 words to your Infertility journey.

4.  What is 1 thing you have learned about yourself in the past year?

5.  What is 1 thing very few people know about you?

6.  What is your favorite place you have visited?

7.  What is your favorite color?

8.  What was your most recent favorite book?

9.  What is you guilty pleasure?

10.  What is your favorite blog post you have written?

11.  What is your #1 on your bucket list (beside being a mommy)?

Here you go, babydesignsofmine , afewgoodeggyolks  and  thebarrenyears  , it’s your turn!

Thanks for reading.


not a good day . . . February 24, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 3:28 PM
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So I had the Saline Sono today and there is a large fibroid in my uterus.  About the same size as what was removed back in October.  So I guess it came back.  I am so upset.  I was all ready to start the IVF cycle and now we will have to wait until April.  And to add insult to injury, the nurse called and left a message about my calendar.  She was working from home and obviously did not know the results, but I would have stopped BCP tomorrow and started Lupron on Wednesday.  Now I wait to see when they can fit me in for surgery . . . again!

I know it is for the best and I am glad that I requested this test to be done before we started or else who knows what would have happened.  But I am so ticked off that I have to wait again and go through another hysteroscopy.

Sorry for the bad mood, I know it will get better.  Just wanted to let all of you know what was going on.

Thanks for reading.


finally . . . February 22, 2012

What a crazy day this has been regarding my medications.  So I was supposed to receive my IVF medications on Tuesday.  When it was getting to be the afternoon, I decided to call the pharmacy to see if there was a tracking number they could give me.  After being on hold for what seemed a longer than normal time, the pharmacist said, “They are actually right here.”

Apparently they did not get sent, for some unknown reason and I was told would be delivered on Wednesday.  She even said “good thing you called.”  Really?  Ya think?

So today around 10:30 or 11am I decide to call the pharmacy back to see about that tracking number.  I was told the meds have gone out and I get the number and the phone number of the delivery service (United Delivery Service to be exact).  I don’t do anything with it yet, figuring I will give them a couple more hours.

At about 1:30 I decide to call the delivery company.  I gave them my name and zip code and the woman on phone told me they show that it was delivered about 15 minutes ago.  Now we had JUST been out front with the dog before I made the phone call and there was nothing there.  We had been home all day and no one had come to the door.

She indicated that they could tell where the driver checked in because of a GPS signal and it showed that he checked in between our house and the neighbor’s house behind us (we live on the corner).  So she put me on hold to get a hold of the driver to see if he was still in the neighborhood and my husband went over to the neighbor’s house.

Sure enough the package was on the front porch!  Now mind you, we live on a different street than our neighbor and our house number is 4 numbers and theirs is 5.  There is nothing similar about our address at all except the city.  Obviously he did not check this and I don’t even know if he rang the bell as I don’t know if anyone was home.

The woman with the delivery company told me she was unable to get the driver on the phone and I told her my husband got the package.  She said she would immediately report the driver to the supervisor and it will be investigated.  I was so shocked by all of this.  It was a blatant disregard of everything.  These are medications and the driver just didn’t care!  Thankfully my “woman’s intuition” kicked in and I made that call.

A good reminder for all of us, to be proactive and never be afraid to ask the questions and find out that information!

So I now have all my meds (picture below).  It is a little intimidating with all the syringes and everything.

It looks like I will be on 4-5 injections a day.

2 of the Microdose Lupron each day

1 Menopur

1 Follistim (some days I will probably have to do 2 Follistim because the way the dosing pen works and the amount in the vials)

But it will all be worth it when I get to have that baby!

Thanks for reading!


some advice . . . February 18, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 6:46 PM
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I have mentioned that I am active on the infertility boards at  I think it is a good resource for talking with other women dealing with TTC issues.

For those of you who read this blog, I would like to offer some advice.

It is ok to ask questions about others’ cycles, IVFs, IUIs, etc.  I find it helpful to know what other women are doing so that I can be more informed when I go to talk to my doctor.  So that I am able to ask more questions.  Heck I am convinced it is what got me a different protocol for IVF #3.

But when it comes to treatments or directions from your doctor, PLEASE listen to him or her.  So much of what we have to go through is based on science; what they gather from our blood tests, ultrasounds, etc.  Just because most people you talk to start out on a certain dosage of medicine does not mean you should too.  I just read a post of a woman who was told to trigger tonight for her IVF.  She posted a question asking if she should do any Follistim with that.  That she supposes she could call the doctor but did not want to bother him.  So all of these women started responding to her to just do the trigger shot and not the Follistim.

That is the worst advice they could give her.  On my 2nd IVF I did Follistim AND the trigger injection on the same night.  So my advice to her was to CALL THE DOCTOR.  I do not know what her follicle sizes were or what her estrogen level was and neither do any of the other women.

So my advice, if you have medical or treatment questions please ask your doctor.  I will be more than happy to tell you my experiences, but you must know that they are MY experiences.  And even my 2 IVF experiences thus far have been different.

And for those inclined to answer the question, please tell that person to ask her doctor.  It is ok to tell them your story or what meds you are on, etc but the best advice is to call the doctor.  You may feel like a seasoned professional when it comes to TTC, but you are not the expert.

When IVF is unsuccessful, the worst thing you could do is blame yourself and think that you may have done something wrong during your cycle.  “Maybe I should have called and asked my doctor.”  “I did what those women said, but maybe it was not the right thing.”

So I always offer my experiences in this blog to help educate, but not to tell you what to do.  That is for your doctor.  And if you do not trust your doctor, find another one.  A lot of us spend so much money, time and effort trying to conceive, we should spend time fully understanding what we need to do to have the best chance at it.

Ok…that is my 2 cents.

Thanks for reading.


great day . . . February 17, 2012

Not too much to report.

We had a good Valentine’s Day trip.  Hubby “knocked ’em dead” with his performances and we got to take a little hike and saw some bald eagles.  He also loved the gift I made him (pictures posted before) of the deck of cards.  🙂

Yesterday I found out how much meds would cost this cycle.  I had some leftover Follistim so that helped a little but even with that it was going to come to $2,300.  I do have to say it was less than I was preparing myself for, but still pretty high.  So I contacted the nurse at the RE’s office and asked if they had any samples or donated meds.  For those who don’t know, a lot of women donate their meds back to their RE’s office when they don’t need the extra, so that self-pay patients can use them.

So today I got some great news!  The nurse told me they were going to get in some Follistim so I did not have to order any from the pharmacy!  That saved me $1,200 right there!  It made my day!!!!

We are moving right along and I go in Monday for my annual, then Friday is the Saline Sono.  I may even start one of the meds the end of next week or early the week after.  Seems like it is moving fast now.

I have not dropped the weight I wanted to before we started this round, but I am not going to get depressed about it.  I will just continue to try and I may just drop a few more by the time we get to the egg retrieval.

So these are the meds I will be taking:

Micro Dose Lupron
Follistim (starting at 225 IU)
Menopur (75 IU)
Ovidrel (trigger)

If I start having symptoms of OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome) I will add Cabergoline to help keep that in check.


Thanks for reading!