now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

a little scare . . . April 30, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 11:56 AM
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So I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom.  I have been wearing panty liners because of the Endometrin and this morning I saw a little blood and also when I wiped.  It was a pinkish brownish color.  Not red!  And it only lasted about a half-hour.  And I haven’t had any since then.

I emailed the nurse and also posted to my BBC friends.  Since it had stopped my thought was that it was either irritation from the Endometrin or Implantation Bleeding(IB).  The nurse emailed back a little but ago and told me not to worry it was probably the Endometrin.  A couple of friends from BBC said it might be the IB.  Either way it stopped and never got really heavy.  Whew!

I never had this with the first 2 IVFs so I am more inclined to think it might be IB.  I was on Endometrin both times before and never bled one drop!

I am fighting the urge to take a home pregnancy test or as we in the TTC world like to say POAS (pee on a stick).  Thankfully I don’t have any in the house or I might just do it!  I can wait until Friday!  I know I can!

So that has been my Monday so far.  I am keeping busy working on hubby’s quilt.  Got almost all of the t-shirt squares sewn (see photo from a couple of days ago).  Then I will start with the “shadow parts”.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday!

Thanks for reading!


something HAS to be going on . . . April 28, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 10:39 PM
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I am REALLY trying not to over-analyze the symptoms I am having.

Yes I am tried a lot.  Could be the progesterone.  Have some hot flashes here and there.  Could be the progesterone.  Yes I am retaining water here and there.  Could be the progesterone.  Boobies are a bit sore.  Could be the progesterone.  Starting to get a little constipated.  Could be the progesterone.

But there are a couple of symptoms that I do not think is the progesterone.  My hips hurt.  Mostly in the morning.  Wake me up kind of hurt.  Then a little here and there throughout the day if I am sitting for a long period of time.  Again, I had this during the 2WW of the 2nd IVF.  And perhaps the most noticeable of all the symptoms is the size of my boobies.  They seem to expand each day!  I honestly can’t get over how big they are feeling and looking.  Hubby even commented that I must be pregnant because they ARE bigger (not that he is complaining LOL).  Geesh, it sometimes feels like I can’t take a full breath because of the weight of them.

With IVF #1 (BFN) there was one day during the 2WW that they swelled up in the evening, much like now but not quite so big.  But then the next morning they were back to normal.  During the 2WW of IVF #2, they did swell up and for longer than a day, but I don’t quite remember it so much.

Even as I sit here typing this I have this weird feeling like the sides of them are stretching.  It is an itchy kind of feeling.  I am not complaining especially if it means what I hope it means.  I just wanted to post this and maybe get some feedback from some of you who may have experienced something similar.

I have a feeling these next 5-ish days are going to pass slowly!  But again, I am remaining positive and an ever hopeful that we will get our miracle.

PS:  The cookie bouquet was a hit.  Totally took hubby by surprise.  🙂

Thanks for reading!


1 week from today . . . April 27, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey,Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 10:44 AM
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My beta will be one week from today!  I can’t believe it!  There are days when it feels like the 2WW is taking forever and then there are days when it feels like it is going fast.  Either way, it will happen in one week.

As far as symptoms, yes I am experiencing some.  And yes these could be progesterone related, but they could also be pregnancy related.  So I am going with that! 🙂  One thing I noticed yesterday and today is hip pain.  It hurts and wakes me up and even right now sitting at my desk it is sore.  I reviewed my blog from last time and I did mention this, so I will take it as a good thing!


Hubby’s birthday is coming up Sunday.  I feel a little bad because I had planned on getting something done in time for his bday and did not make it.  But with everything going on, he said he understood.  I have started it and yes he knows what it is.  I am making a quilt/throw from his old t-shirts.  He has about 14 shirts from his highschool days and earlier when he ran cross-country.  They are from runs that he did.  The very first run he did was from 1977 (when he was was 9) and that shirt has a few holes in it.  So basically what I have done is cut the “logos” out into squares and will sew those on to pieces of fabric.  Then I am going to add strips of black to 2 of the sides to make it look like the blocks are raised.  Then will join those with the background fabric.  This is my first time making a quilt, so I am excited.  I have made a duvet cover in the past, so I figured I could do this.  It will not be perfect by any means, but I think that adds to the quaintness of a quilt.  Here is the 1st block I did yesterday.

As a side note, this is helping to pass the time during the 2WW, so bonus!  (More pictures to come.)

I ordered him a cookie bouquet that he will get tomorrow (they don’t deliver on Sunday) and will head to the store later today or tomorrow to get a couple of nice steaks for a nice dinner/lunch on Sunday (he has to work in the evening).  He is really difficult to shop for because there is nothing he ever wants.  I can’t really complain, because I am the same way.  I asked him what he wanted and he said he already had me.  awwww.  He is so sweet!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Thanks for reading!!!


1st baby pictures . . . April 25, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 10:50 AM
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Here are the pictures I promised of our little babies.  You can see the small one was oval shaped.  The doctor wasn’t too optimistic about that one, but you never know.

And here is a pitcure of my uterus.  You will notice the large black blob at the top, that is my VERY FULL bladder. The light spot is the liquid that the embryos are in and the placement in the uterus.  🙂Thanks for reading.


2WW . . . April 22, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 9:03 PM
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Ok so I have caved in a bit and did some online searching.  Not out of fear or anything, but out of curiosity.

I have been trying to remember what kind of symptoms I had last time.  So I was able to go back in my blog and did notice I had mild cramping after the transfer last time.  And I have been experiencing mild cramping today on and off.  Hoping it is a good sign.  I know implantation can happen at 2-5 days after transfer, but since we did assisted hatching, I wonder if it makes it happen a little earlier.

Not trying to obsess.  I am still feeling really good about all of this and not worrying.  Boobs are very sore, but they were very sore before the transfer, so I know that is all the hormones and I am also very tired, but I didn’t sleep too well the 2 nights before the transfer and hubby had a late work night last night and I woke up when he got home at 2am.  So that is where things stand now.  Again not trying to obsess, I guess it is more of keeping track of things like this so I can remember.

The bed rest is almost over.  I am ready for it to be over.  But I know it is for a good cause and I would not choose not to do it.  I would not want to cause me to ever wonder, “what if?”

I will try to scan the photos tomorrow.

Hope everyone has enjoyed the weekend!

Thanks for reading.


PUPO!!! April 21, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 3:21 PM
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I am officially PUPO!  I was actually about noon today.  Today went great!

I didn’t sleep that well, I think it was all the excitement of that day.  Got ready to go and had very little traffic.  We got to the building and got the same exact parking space right in front!  So far so good!

Got to the surgery center on the 3rd floor and there was no one in the waiting room.  Signed the paperwork, the doctor was actually out there and I asked her a couple of questions I had (tums is ok to take for heartburn and I continue taking the baby aspirin at least through the 1st trimester).  Then the nurse came and got us and walked us to our waiting chair.  It was a different on from Wednesday but still one I had not been in before and the nurse was also new to me.  I did have to empty my bladder a bit as it was really badly uncomfortable.  Then the doc asked me how things were and she made me drink a small bottle of water.  UGH!  Then she came over to talk to us about the results.

So officially we got 4 eggs and 3 were mature.  All 3 fertilized by ICSI.  And all 3 were still around.  They measured them at 10:50am today and here is what we had.

1 – 8 cell (grade 4)
1 – 6 cell (grade 3-4)
1 – 4 cell (oval grade 3)

I have come to realize that doctors grade embryos with different scales.  Some use letters such as Grade A and others use numbers such as 1 being the best.  In this case 4 is the best!

WOO HOO!  Yes we had one at 4 and one at a 3 to 4.  The doctor was REALLY REALLY happy with the 8 cell and 6 cell.  The 4 cell was small and had an oval shape to it (pictures to follow tomorrow or Monday), but you never know.

As I was on the table waiting for the doctor to finish everything, I felt pretty peaceful (aside from the VERY full bladder and the u/s tech pushing on it).  They had some nice music playing.  The doctor took the catheter out and the embryologist checked to make sure it was empty, then the doc took the speculum out and said she was very pleased.  The embryos went in perfectly and right into the right spot.  She showed me on the u/s monitor (another picture to post).  I started getting a little emotional but kept it in.

I stood up and as I was walking out, I thanked the doctor again and she hugged me and right after I stepped out of the room and started walking down the hallway, I burst out in tears.  I apologized to the nurse who was walking with me and just told her I was so happy.  And I was.  I had never felt that way after the transfer before.  Such happiness and peace.

Now for bedrest.  🙂

Thanks for reading!


a post for a friend . . . April 20, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 6:33 PM
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I tried to think of a way to approach this and well, I have decided to just put it out there.

I have a very dear friend who I met because we share the same breeder of our wonderful Goldendoodles.  I have yet to meet her face to face but have had many a wonderful conversation with her and I consider her to be a very dear friend.  We have a Facebook group for those who got dogs from the same breeder and we held a fundraiser last fall (selling calendars) to raise money to help her get to Denver for treatment that she desperately needed.
Please don’t think this is some sort of scam.  She posts comments somewhat regularly on here and I just want to try to do what I can to help her.  So thanks for indulging me.
We are once again holding a fundraiser through our Goldendoodle owners group to help our precious friend, Jennifer, who has Cystic Fibrosis.  Her journey has certainly been a rough one, yet one that has inspired us all.  She is an amazing woman of pure, abundant faith and love.  Our calendar fundraiser last year earned enough money to help send her to National Jewish Hospital in Denver (the leading pulmonary hospital in the entire country) – but her scheduled 2 weeks there has turned into over a month due to unexpected complications, etc.
The blessing is that they discovered a hole in her heart – which she recently had corrective surgery for – but she now is plagued by high fevers and they cannot seem to find the source of the infection – and her expenses have been rising each and every day.  So while she asks only for our prayers, we have put together a new fundraiser to help her with all the additional and extensive costs associated with this extended visit and medical care.  While I know that this won’t be of any interest to you unless you have a Goldendoodle – you may know someone who does!  And if so, PLEASE pass this along.  For a simple donation of $6.50 you will receive this wonderful  4” x 6” car magnet!
Please let me know if you or anyone you know is interested email me at and I can get you the information of where to send an email to place your order.  Our breeder is handling all of the ordering!  We are also accepting simple donations if you are so inclined.  Thank you so much – and more than anything PLEASE keep our dear friend Jennifer in your prayers.
Thanks for reading!