now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

22 weeks . . . September 5, 2012

Filed under: Pregnancy — nowandevermore @ 4:14 PM
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I love seeing that number go up every week!

There are times when it all still feels so surreal.  Especially those times when I catch up with others on the Babycenter boards and blogs.  Others that are currently going through another round of IVF or some other treatment or in their 2WW.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday that we were right there with them.

I don’t know how other women are, who have never had to struggle with infertility, when they become pregnant, but every day I worry that something will go wrong.  I still check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom.  Now, I also wonder when I haven’t felt the baby move in a while if something happened.  It is truly a never-ending fear.  I wish I didn’t feel this way.  I wish I could fully embrace the joy that it this miracle, but it is so hard, especially having suffered a loss.

I am not gloomy about it all day every day.  But it is there and ever-present in my mind.  And then I will feel our little boy and thank God that things are still ok.

Some of the blogs I have been reading talk about the Facebook posts of their friends who are pregnant  and post about it all the time.  I too had those moments that I dreaded seeing pregnancy reports and photos of babies splashed all over my screen.  And I told myself that I would not do that because I know what it was like on the other end of things.

Don’t get me wrong, I do post.  I actually have been posting once a week since I announced it.  I usually post a picture of a fruit and add how many weeks to the description.  And then when we had our scan 3 weeks ago I posted some ultrasound photos.  I am so happy and proud to be pregnant, but at the same time I don’t want to be one of those women who post everyday what I am feeling, what I read in a book/magazine, etc.  I am not saying that is wrong, but it isn’t me.

I feel like shouting from the rooftops, “we struggled for 3 years, suffered a miscarriage, had multiple procedures and are finally pregnant,” just to let everyone know that for some women it is such a difficult journey.

Ok, I feel like I am rambling.  My point is I don’t want to “forget where I came from” regarding this journey.  I don’t want to “abandon” my fellow women who are still struggling to get their miracle.  I try to be aware of things and I am still here supporting you.  I read your posts, your blogs and I pray for you everyday!  You are strong and amazing women, don’t forget that!

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Update: The antibiotic I got last week seems to be helping.  My breasts have not been hurting me really at all like they were and the redness is almost gone.  Thank goodness!  I still ice them once or twice a day.  I have a great system.  I use my bra on the outside of my shirt and stick the ice packs between the shirt and bra.  It is quite funny looking. 🙂

And I haven’t had any heartburn since I started the Nexium!  I sure hope that keeps up!  I can’t tell you how wonderful that has been!

Sleeping is getting worse though this past couple of days.  I still haven’t gone to the chiropractor.  I am such a procrastinator.  But I am going.  Hubby needs to go too for his neck.  We will go this week!

That’s all from here.  Oh and the crib should be delivered tomorrow.  Although I do not have a lot of faith in Fed Ex based on what I saw from the tracking information.  It is coming from Indianapolis, IN and then the next stop was Independence, KY, which is in the opposite direction from where we are.  So we will see.

Thanks for reading.

 

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