So tomorrow is the first beta! Even though I have had positive home pregnancy tests I still can’t help but feel a little nervous about tomorrow. Crazy right?? I mean I had a positive result on Tuesday and then I got carried away and bought 3 more regular tests (I am saving the last digital for tomorrow) and tested yesterday afternoon and this morning and had 2 lines both times. So it has to be true right? Then I start to tell myself the 2nd line on the tests wasn’t as dark as I would think if should be. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I went to Walgreens today and seriously considered buying more tests! I was able to talk myself out of it. But I can totally understand how people can be obsessed with POAS. Why is this so difficult? I know why, because as much as we try to not let it become all-consuming, it is difficult. Everything has to be just right with your cycle and for so many cycles it wasn’t. So when it finally happens it is so hard to believe. The odds are against you. But I just have to tell myself this could really be our time!
I am praying for a great number tomorrow and more importantly for that number to increase next Monday and continue to do so next Wednesday and Friday! I am not saying that I will be relaxed after that, but to get through some betas with increasing numbers would be incredible!
I think part of my problem is I remember back in December when we went for our 1st beta after IVF #2. I was so sure it would come back a great number and it was 7. Granted I did not test before that like I did this cycle, but it still haunts me.
Ideally I would love to see a number tomorrow of above 100, even better if it is above 200. Only time will tell. I still feel pregnant. My boobies are still pretty big, I am still really tired all the time, and still peeing a lot. Today I felt nauseated. I had eaten lunch and about 2 or so hours later I felt like I was getting sick to my stomach. I ate a bagel thinking that would help and it did for about 10-15 minutes, then I felt nauseated again. I popped a piece of gum and felt better. Is that morning sickness? Or is it my mind playing tricks on me, thinking up some of these symptoms.
For the most part I am excited about tomorrow, but there is that tiny bit of worry. Unfortunately I think that is inherent with those with fertility issues. Will we ever get over that? Probably not until that baby is in our arms.
Thanks for reading.