now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

catching up . . . March 6, 2012

Filed under: Misc Stuff — nowandevermore @ 8:24 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted.  I can make excuses, but to be honest, I did not have much to say and what I did have to say was more along the lines of a pity party and didn’t feel like posting that.

So here we are into March already.  The time sure is flying by.  Let’s see what have I been up to the past week?  Not a whole lot.  Helping hubby with some of his work and also preparing myself for my 1st craft fair.  I like to draw.  I decided last fall to start a business ( of sorts).  I draw portraits from photographs.  Business has been kind of slow.  Honestly I haven’t done a heck of a lot in marketing it.  Life happens when you least expect it to.  But I am ok with that as it is more of a hobby than anything.

So I signed up to participate in a craft fair this past Sunday.  It seemed like a small crowd (around 100 people) although someone said they had over 300.  A few people took cards.  It was good experience for me, since I am a little bit of an introvert.  It gave me a chance to get my feet wet with craft fairs.  I need to look into a few more in the area.

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At the craft fair, the first thing I hear as I am setting up . . . “oh you’re pregnant too?”  Yes the 2 ladies with booths across from mine were both pregnant.  One looking like she had about a month to go and the other was 20 weeks (I overheard).  Nothing against them, but man it just added to all the pregnant women I seem to be seeing lately.  (This is my pity party reason for not posting lately.)  I read news online and see headlines of celebrities who are pregnant.  There seems to have been a lot of them announcing this past weekend.  Or maybe it just seemed that way.  I read an article yesterday about Jessica Capshaw expecting  her 3rd.  And she said she gets so busy she forgets she is 6 months pregnant!  REALLY????  COME ON!!!!  A FB friend (who I worked with several years ago) just gave birth to her 3rd (she is my age and I didn’t even know she was pregnant!).  The chick from “Saved by the Bell” just announced she is expecting her 1st.   A few of my other friends/bloggers announced they are pregnant.  (I am ecstatic for all of you!!  Please don’t take this the wrong way.  I am sure you can understand.)

It just feels like all of a sudden I am being overloaded with pregnant women all around me.  Which makes me feel like the odd woman out.  I can’t even start my IVF when I wanted to, while others around me are starting their cycle.  I know I have medical issues I need to take care of, but it is just so frustrating.  At moments I feel alone with my sorrow.

But such is life and we move on.  It is ok to have a bad day or a few bad days.  We are human and we are allowed.  You just can’t let it consume you and eat you up inside.  As always, easier said than done.  But one day at a time.  I do enjoy reading the journey of my friends.  Seeing their milestones, from the betas, to the 1st u/s to getting out of the 1st trimester.  And instead of feeling sorry for myself, I try to just imagine myself reaching those milestones one day.  I know it will happen!  But as with life, there are bumps and sometimes we have to pull off the road and take a breather.  The key is to get back on that road and keep moving forward.  Keeping the faith and hope.

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On a final note:  Hubby and I went to see “The Artist” today.  I have to say that was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time!  I don’t say that lightly.  I wasn’t sure how a silent film would be.  I have seen a silent film before; the original “Phantom of the Opera” with Lon Chaney.   I enjoyed that, but how often do we really get to see a silent film like they did in the 20s, on the big screen?  And how would that translate in today’s world?  I just cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it.  I felt so much emotion throughout.  The ups, the downs and every place in between.  I actually was smiling at the end.  And not one of those “sure I enjoyed it” kind of smiles.  It was a “I thoroughly enjoyed that movie and feel so good now and want to tell all my friends to see it” kind of smiles, if you know what I mean.

So please, if you are on the fence or just don’t think you want to have to do a lot of reading while watching the movie, please go see it.  There isn’t a lot to read.  They don’t need words.  The actors do such a great job emoting.  They get their points across so effortlessly.  The way it is written, the music . . . well I can see why it won Best Picture.  So get off your butts and go see it already! 🙂

Thanks for reading!

 

4 Responses to “catching up . . .”

  1. Hey My Sweet Friend.. I know it is hard and you don’t want to be negative… but a feeling is just a feeling and there is no right or wrong on it.. It just is. It is part of your journey, part of your story…. It doesn’t make you less then or more then.

    As you know since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to have a baby, but I KNOW FOR ME, I just can’t.. I have too many health issues.. it doesn’t make it easier… I am getting hysterectomy in the next few months.. When I went to the doctor…..they had me sit in the “waiting womb” and I got to see all my “Fibroid Kids” up on a flat screen monitor…. A lot of the world is insensitive to infertility…. a lot of people are just insensitive….a lot of people have no idea that we struggle and they are enveloped in their own happiness…

    I know for a while when I had to stop working, every time I went out to the store if I saw a women in scrubs.. I wanted to run them over with my shopping cart…. If I saw a women with a child in scrubs well I just had to turn away.

    I have found peace with my circumstances….

    One other thing I wanted to tell you, as I really thinks this pertains to you because it is beating the odds, going against the medical advise of my doctors because I wanted something so badly.. I wanted to become an RN so badly. Really my health was against me, I was warned not to do it….. let me tell you something, almost always if there is a will there is a way… almost always.. I inspite of being in the hospital every three months for 10 plus days, in spite of fevers, ivs and signing myself out of the hospital., I graduated top of my class, 4.0. class president, class liaison. I did this by sheer tenacity and will power, not quitting when it was impossible…and never thinking once I would not be successful.. and lots and lots of prayers

    I have no doubt what so ever my sweet friend that you will go after getting a sweet baby in your arms with the same tenacity, if not more then I did to get through nursing school, My toughest challenge and my greatest joy.. Just like your sweet baby (ies) will be

    Do not be discouraged.. Take up your faith and hope and GO for it

  2. Sunny Says:

    I know how u feel abt all these pregnant women. It seems like I’ve had about 10 pregnancy announcements since the beginning of the year and each one chips away a little piece of your heart. But all we can do is keep the faith, and hope that our miracles are around the corner.

    And yes, u are allowed to have a day or two of feeling down. I felt the same two days again, felt like I was drowning, but had to pick myself up and carry on fighting.

    Hang in there.

  3. queenelizabethi Says:

    You’re right, it’s ok to have days like that where we feel bad and funky. It would be unhealthy to deny that. I feel you with the pity party, I’ve been having some mini-ones myself.

    So glad you reviewed The Artist; I’d heard good things about it but don’t know anyone personally who saw it. This completely sold me on it though.

    Thinking of you!

  4. I also feel like I am in a pregnancy / birth announcement tornado lately. I’ve been feeling really down the last few days, too, and I think this may be contributing to it. That and a really good friend I work with is now in major showing mode. I know we sometimes feel the need to not sound too down on here b/c we know that the people reading are going through hard enough times, but that’s part of the reason this blogging community is so wonderful. Don’t feel guilty for feeling down – it’s natural, and where better to find people who totally understand?


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