now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

in a funk . . . February 4, 2012

The title says it all.  This week I have felt like I have been in a funk.  I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything.  Not sure if it is because we had our appointment with the RE on Monday and I started thinking about IVF #3, or what?  I am really going to try my best to snap out of it either Sunday or Monday.  I need to get some structure back into my life.  I am the type of person who handles things better with a plan.  I like having a “to do” list and being able to mark things off.  And I have let mine slide ever since I got sick.  I am feeling better (lingering sinus issues) so there is no excuse, except this funk.    The weather is pretty gloomy today and hubby is getting ready to leave for work.  Last night he got home about 2am and it looks like tonight will be another 2am.   So tomorrow will probably be another funk day being so tired.  We will see.

On another note . . . do you believe in signs?  I guess I do to an extent.  I think if I see something positive I see it as a sign.  I can’t say that I notice or pay too much attention to things that might be construed as “bad” signs.  Like for instance, when I was feeling a little down about the baby thing and wondering if it would happen, I kept seeing/hearing the name we chose if we were to have a little girl.  It was on TV in a few different things I watched.  I saw that as a good sign.  🙂  (Note:  I am choosing not to reveal the name until we have our baby.  We will reveal the gender but keep the name to ourselves. )

So along those lines, at the end of December, I got a magazine in the mail, “American Baby.”  Well, technically it was addressed to the woman who used to live here and it appeared to be a freebie to get you to subscribe.  Let me be more specific.  My husband bought this house before we met.  He bought it from a guy who recently got divorced.  The magazine was addressed to his ex-wife.  My husband has owned this house for close to 8-9 years.  And from what he has told me, the woman was past her “baby-making prime”, if you know what I mean.  So this shows up out of the blue.  I was a little shocked to see something like this in the mail, but I kept it and read through it eventually.

So yesterday, another one comes, the February issue.  This time there is an envelope stating that the subscription has ended and to sign up again.  Obviously a tactic to get you to subscribe because it was obvious this was another freebie.  But I saw it as a sign.  No, I am not going to subscribe.  But I take it as God’s way of telling me that this will be our year.  Telling us to be prepared.  So I will keep it and read it.  I also got a little postcard in the mail.  This was addressed to me.  It was from a breastfeeding store  in the area.  Not sure how they got my name?  At first I was shocked and a little hurt, because I am not pregnant and this seems so insensitive.  But then I turned it around and told myself it was another sign.  So I am choosing to hold on to the card.  Because I WILL need it!  🙂

Am I crazy for looking at those things as signs from above?  Maybe.  But I would much rather see them as signs, then get depressed over them.

Thanks for reading!


3 Responses to “in a funk . . .”

  1. Katherine Says:

    I am proud of you :). You are incredibly brave and strong.

  2. happysiera Says:

    am loving your take on signs!!! i do this, too …
    oh – and i can share in the ‘funk’ … january was bad! but this will be our year!

    oh (again 😉 we would also keep the name ideas to ourselves, i think, but for sure the gender, too! will be sooo excited to meet our future wee ones!

  3. beckyborgman Says:

    I love how you are choosing to look on the bright side as opposed to being depressed. I, too, am struggling with getting pregnant and have to remind myself many times that I have a choice between being depressed or being hopeful. Sometimes, I just want to cry and I let myself, I think it is important. But we need to remember we are so much more in control of our emotions and reactions than we give ourselves credit for. You are very strong, I am appreciate you sharing your journey!

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