now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

we are not alone . . . February 1, 2012

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 7:55 PM
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So I was in Walgreens today.  They have a great sale on my hair color (2/$12) and there was a coupon in the Sunday paper for $5.00 off of 2.  So they are normally $8.99 each and I got them for $3.50 each!  Woo hoo!  I had a couple of other items to pick up and on my way around the store I turned down an aisle to get to the back of the store.  The aisle I happened to turn down was the feminine product aisle.  And it dawned on me, they have the baby stuff in that aisle too.

Big deal right?  Well, I never thought about it before, but when you are TTC and have to go and buy tampons, the last thing you want to see is baby stuff!  Diapers, bottles, binky’s, etc.  Obviously the person who designed the layout did not take that into consideration.  Who would?  It’s not like that is a group that many people think about on a daily basis.  But approximately 10-12% of women in the US have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant.  That is a lot!

1 in 10

My mom always told me I was special.  But I don’t think this is what she meant.

When we first started trying and even through our 1st IVF, I felt so alone.  No one I knew (at that time) struggled to get pregnant.  After all, my Facebook news feed was splattered with kids.  An almost daily reminder of our struggle.  But then I found babycenter.  I know…why in the heck would I go to such a website?  Well, I learned that they actually had groups of women on there who were going through the same things that I was going through.  1 in 10 became 10 in 10.  Of course it saddens me that so many women struggle to have a baby, but I was so happy to have found women to talk to about it.  Learning that my feelings of inadequacy as a woman and envy of those with children were “normal” in the infertile world.

I cannot even begin to imagine what I would be like now had I not found that site.  It has taught me not to be ashamed of the struggle.  It has taught me that I must be a really strong woman to go through all the shots, the heartache and the hormones.    It has taught me not to take things for granted and to appreciate what we do have.  And to keep praying for what we all desire.  To never give up hope and to keep the faith.   And being on that site has really helped me to open up more to some close friends and I even learned that a couple of them have had similar struggles.  They do have kids now, so that just goes to show that it can happen.

But yes we all have those days when the struggle just seems like it is too much to handle.  Days when all you want to do is crawl back into bed and cry.  Or days when all you see kids all around you and you want to stop and scream “why not me?!?!?!?”  Days when you are at your RE’s office and a fellow patient walks in with their child and selfishly you wish the office had a “no children allowed” policy so as not to upset those who have no children yet.  Crazy I know.  But when you are in a certain state of mind, sometimes you just can’t control your own thoughts.  At least I am able to control what comes out of my mouth. 🙂

So even though we may feel alone on our journey sometimes, because it isn’t plastered every where we go, we know we are not alone.  And there are places out there to get support.  I think that is one reason why I started this blog.  I wanted to be able to talk about my struggle openly for my own therapy, but at the same time I wanted to be able to reach people who felt like they were alone in their struggle.  To let them know that they were not alone.  To let them know that there are a lot of women, like them, out there.  Good women.  Deserving women.  Strong women.  And God willing, one day . . . Mothers.

Thanks for reading.


6 Responses to “we are not alone . . .”

  1. Princess Says:

    Once again, beautifully written! Xo!

  2. I can’t find the like button on your post, but I “like” this post! I don’t think they’re “crazy thoughts” at all. I also have wished there was a no kids policy at the doctor’s. I selfishly wish there was a pregnant chic limit at Target. I don’t think there’s a larger pregnant woman gathering anywhere in the world than at Target on Saturday afternoon!

  3. Aiza Says:

    Love this post. Nicely done 🙂

  4. queenelizabethi Says:

    Lovely. Thank you for sharing. It’s encouraging that your experience on babycenter has been positive, you’re trailblazing for those of us who are new to this!

  5. A Sweet Life Says:


  6. Thank you! I am greatful you are sharing your experience with us.

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