So hubby is starting to come down with a cold. His business takes him to a lot of different places and so he comes into contact with a lot of people, therefore, a lot of germs. So today he started feeling crappy and I am just hoping that I don’t get it. He did a lot of tossing and turning last night and I am a light sleeper so I woke up every time he rolled over. And I started feeling the tiredness around lunch.
I asked him if he wanted to walk this morning and he said he would later. So I opted to hop in the treadmill for a bit to see if it could help me get some energy. I walked a mile and it helped a little bit. I also got the dog to walk 1/10th of a mile. He enjoyed it. 🙂 Then after lunch I got hubby to go for a walk with me. So we did 2 miles. Now darn it, if I don’t see something different on the scale tomorrow I am going to scream! But I hope for the best! Now on to the challenge question.
DAY 24: Does your religion (or lack of) help/hurt/affect your infertility journey? Have you found religion? Lost it? Does it affect what treatments you do?
Let me tell you….early on it was really tough to stay positive about it all and to stop myself from wondering if I was being punished. Afterall, I had thought I did everything right in my life. I waited until I found the right guy. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t meet him until I was 35! But there came a point when I had to stop being so negative about my journey.
I did that when I was single. I could not understand why it was taking me so long to find someone. Then I finally just accepted the fact that I might never find that someone and that I would be single. I was at peace with it. I would not stop looking, but I would be ok if I didn’t. Then of course I met my hubby.
But unlike that, I do not want to accept the fact that I may never have a child. I can’t! And one of those reasons is my religion. The priest asks us during the ceremony if we are open to having children. They don’t ask, would you be ok if you never had children! So I can’t believe that we won’t. I have to believe that His plan is for us to be parents. Call it the power of positive thinking or just having faith. It is what we must do to survive this whole process.
Now of course, being Catholic, how we get pregnant can be a sticky issue. I never thought in a million years that I would have to have medical intervention to have a baby. Who does? That is not natural. And unfortunately not accepted by the Catholic church. But, I have said this about many things, the decisions you make are between you and God. No one can judge you but God. And after going over this in my mind a lot, I have accepted that if IVF is what it takes then it is ok. God will be ok with it. Some may disagree, but it is a private and personal decision that no one can make for us.
So choosing to do IVF was never an easy decision, money aside. And I certainly would never tell the priest at our church how we finally got pregnant. Maybe I am scared at what he would say, maybe I do have some little feeling of guilt, just because it is against “the rules.” But that is what I have to live with and no one else. And if that is how we get pregnant, I will live with it and even though it wasn’t done the “natural” way, I will thank God each and every day for that baby. Because I will know it was Him that gave it to us. Faith will get us through this. I know it will.
Thanks for reading.