now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

support and day 9 . . . January 9, 2012

Ok, so I got a great response to my post yesterday.  That makes me happy.  Heck I am happy if one person (besides me) reads my blog.  So thank you everyone.  I certainly hope I do not disappoint in the future.

I was trying to think of what to talk about today and while on Babycenter (BBC), a few of the ladies commented at how grateful that they are to have support of other women going through the same thing.  Let me explain.  There are these discussion groups and you can usually find a group that relates to something you are currently going through, such as “IVF in January”, “FET in March:, etc.  The idea is to go there and “join” the group and be able to experience the trials and tribulations with women from all over, at the same time.  And you hope that at the end of your 2WW that everyone in the group ends up being pregnant.  In a perfect world . . .  but they don’t.

Yes there are people who end up pregnant and people who end up not pregnant.  There are also those who end up pregnant and then in a short time they miscarry.  It would be so easy for the women who do not get pregnant or miscarry to leave the group and never visit it again.  To never check in with the pregnant women and see how things are progressing.  For those who do that, I certainly understand.  It is a tough thing to be “side-by-side” with others on this journey only to be thrust down a different path and end up lost.  Lost in your feelings of being alone again on that journey.   It seems like all the stars were aligned just right for everyone and only a few had it happen.  Why is that?  We may never know.  It is out of our control and out of the realm of understanding.  But the women who leave the group, deal with things and move on in their own time.  I have actually done that.

I was in a group for September IVF’s and since my Embryo Transfer was pushed to November, everyone was finishing up their 2WWs at the end of September and into October and I was just along for the ride.  I was so scared that they would find something when I went for my polyp removal in October, that I just could not be super happy for those who ended up pregnant.  It was just too hard to read the updates.  And for that I feel badly.  It was nothing personal to those ladies.  But I just wasn’t there, in that place.  So I found another group and joined and actually met up again with women from the Sept group who did not get pregnant.  They had moved on and were trying again!

So cut to today.  That new group I joined has, what seems to be, quite a few of the ladies that are now pregnant, some with twins!  Even though my journey ended with a miscarriage, I still check in.  In a way it surprises me.  I don’t quite understand why this time is different.  I would have expected that I just would not want anything to do with seeing all the pregnancy related posts.  After all, that was supposed to be me too!  And even now as I type this and the tears begin to well up in my eyes from thinking about it, I am so happy for those women.   I think I caught a glimpse of something that is possible, even if only for a short time, and want to rejoice with them.  Because it can happen and it gives me hope!  Hope to see those women who have struggled for so long through the medical tests, medications, mood swings, IVF (sometimes multiple), and miscarriages, finally get what they have hoped and prayed for.

I still get feelings of sadness when reading those posts.  But I am still there and still happy for those women and will follow as long as they continue to post there.  They still need support because like most of us who have struggled so long to have a baby, we will not be at peace until we hold that baby in our arms.  And for those women who can’t stick around, it is ok.  But please know we are all still there for you.  You may not see us, but we think of you often and want nothing but the best for you on your journey to motherhood.

DAY 9:  If you won the lottery what would you blow your money on (after charity and bills, of course)?  List 10 things you would buy or spend money on.

1.  Would definitely not worry about paying for medical procedures to get pregnant.  Would be able to afford more IVFs if necessary.

2.  Would build a house on at least an acre or 2 of land.

3.  iPad

4.  New cell phone.

5.  New flat screen TV to replace the monster one my hubby got over 10 years ago.

6.  Invest money into hubby’s business.

7.  A vacation.  Maybe Hawaii or would love to take a week or two long road trip around New England in the fall.  Maybe Italy.

8.  Maybe open a bakery.  I love to bake but if I did it as much as I wanted I would weigh 300 pounds!

9.  A new car for me and hubby.

10.  Put a large chunk into savings/investments for retirement.  Sorry the practical accountant in me always comes out.

Thanks for reading.


One Response to “support and day 9 . . .”

  1. Princess Says:

    Melissa- Your post made me cry (at work!) because i can relate to every single word you wrote.

    Like you, I was part of the Sept / Oct boards (2 Oct boards) and it was very hard to see everyone move on after I mc’ed, so I can relate so so much. However, I think our Oct one is special. You can tell these women care and truly want to root us on. We’ve ALL been through a lot during the TTC journey, and when one of us IVF-ers are successful, it gives me more hope and encouragement. I believe 2012 will be a big year of bellies or strong pregnancies in the making! Xoxo!

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