now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

reflections . . . December 29, 2011

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 8:58 PM
Tags: , , , , , ,

Well, 2012 is just around the corner and I can’t say I am happy with the way the year turned out.  But I guess it could have been worse, right?

Let’s see a recap . . .

January – We had our 3rd IUI attempt that ended with a big fat zero!

February – Estrogen was too high, had to put off 4th IUI for another month.

March – Estrogen still too high, put off the 4th IUI again!

April – Ended up going to the ER with a ruptured ovarian cyst.

May – Decide to skip 4th IUI and go right to IVF.  Start birth control pills (BCP) at the end of the month for July IVF.

June – BCP all month, started injections on June 30.

July – Had IVF #1 and did not get pregnant.

August – Back on BCP for IVF #2 in September.

September – Started IVF #2 and then found polyp in uterus before egg retrieval.  Had retrieval and froze embryos.

October – Started BCP and had surgery to remove polyp on October 19.

November – Had Frozen Embryo Transfer on November 20, 2 days after my 40th birthday.

December – Found out on December 2 that I was pregnant.  Found out December 12, that I was having a miscarriage.  Decided to try IVF #3 in March or April.

Well, that sums up our year, at least as far as our trying to conceive journey goes.  It seems all so “simple” when you write it so succinctly.

The end of this month marks 31 months that we have been trying to have a baby.  I know I technically got pregnant, but honestly there is a part of me that feels like it wasn’t real.  Sure the number was an indication that I had implantation, but it didn’t really go anywhere.  I did feel attached, but to what?  The idea of the baby growing inside of me?  The hope that in a couple of weeks I would get to see a heartbeat?  As quickly as it happened, it was taken away.  I am not angry that it happened.  I am heartbroken and I will always deal with this.  Some days will be better than others.  But I guess part of me feels like I wasn’t THAT pregnant to begin with.  You know the old adage, I will believe it when I see it.  Well, I never got to “see it”, so it is somewhat hard to believe.

It does give me (us) hope that this next IVF will work.  I have to believe, just like I believed this last one was going to work.  It did…it just didn’t stay.  So I have to believe that this next one will work and it will stay!!  And that we will get our miracle.  2012 will be a good year.  I know it.

You know what they say…third time’s a charm! 🙂

Thanks for reading!


4 Responses to “reflections . . .”

  1. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You are a strong woman for going through this journey. I pray that the third attempt is successful and you get a sticky bean. ~Amelia

  2. I’m with you on the 3rd time lucky thoughts. Fingers crossed for 2012 x

  3. Lori Says:

    You know we are praying and rooting for you guys!!! We love you!

  4. Nellie Says:

    Hmmm…your 2011 sounds oddly familiar to mine. I am also happy to wave 2011 goodbye. 2012 is our year!

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