now and ever more

each journey begins with one step . . . a baby step

heartbroken . . . December 12, 2011

Filed under: IVF/FET Journey — nowandevermore @ 5:56 PM
Tags: , ,

Well, our HCG level came back and dropped more than half today.  So I am officially having a miscarriage and am heartbroken.  During this whole process of our 2nd IVF I just had this feeling (call it women’s intuition) that this was the one.  So when we got that positive HCG it confirmed it.  I just wish it hadn’t ended this way, especially right before Christmas.

I am very fortunate that I have such a wonderful husband who is so supportive.  It is so easy to blame yourself for this.  After all, it is happening inside of you, how can you not?  But my husband told me over and over not to blame myself that I did nothing wrong and that it is out of our control.  I know he is right.  But it is so hard to not take the blame or to feel broken.

I know in time we will heal and move forward.  Yes we have discussed IVF round number 3 and we will try again.  Third time’s the charm right?  But for now, I wait and go back on Friday for another test to make sure my level is negative (below 5).

A baby will happen for us…I have to remain positive and keep praying that it will happen.

Although I have to say that today and maybe tomorrow I will just focus on not crying so much.

Thanks for reading.


4 Responses to “heartbroken . . .”

  1. Stacey Says:

    I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re not giving up. It’s so sad, but your happy ending could be just in that next cycle. (((hugs)))

  2. Rebecca Says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss 😦

  3. Katherine Says:

    Like I said earlier, no words. And no, you shouldn’t blame yourself although it is natural to…I did for a very long time. Many hugs right now friend.

  4. Im so sorry for you loss. I could not imagine being in your shoes! Good luck on the next round! 3rd time’s a charm!

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